The Sleeping Prince
by El-Kat-o
Summary: Takes place immediately after the "Sleeping Princess" episode. Features Lotor/Allura vs. Keith Allura couplings, and a little bit of the Haggar/Zarkon in there. XD Includes free trip to the Outback Steakhouse and the return of the Crack Flowers.
1. Cinderblock.

It struck him like a cinder block, but it wasn't a cinder block...had he been lucky, it would have been a cinder block, but alas, it was not a cinder block that had hit him.   
Allura didn't like him.   
Didn't like him...  
didn't like him...  
didn't like him...   
The realization bounced back and forth in his brain.   
He felt ill.   
Lotor wondered why he didn't figure it out sooner. She'd slapped him at least twice in the past year and declared her hate for him much much much times.   
Yesterday, she didn't even say anything to him as he carried her through the forest. He was so close...he could hear her breathing, his heart and her heart pounded as one, even when the little androgynous kid drew the grenade.   
And he thought -Zarkon- was insane.   
Zarkon was more than insane.   
Zarkon was an abusive parent.   
Zarkon had no respect for him.   
Zarkon was MEAN.   
Zarkon was an idiot.   
Zarkon was slow.   
Zarkon was fat.   
Zarkon wore a dress.   
Zarkon looked like Broadway from "Gargoyles".   
Lotor bet that he just picked Princess Coralle's name out at random so that he could be married off. 

Lotor decided that he was going insane today. In everything shiny he looked at, he saw Princess Allura.   
In the mirror, in the water, in the mess Haggar's kitty left on the floor, in his helmet, on the walls of his space cruiser, in the red alcoholic beverage that he was addicted to...  
He was heartbroken. Even in her sleep, she twitched with resentment towards him. He entertained the idea that she had been controlling Pidge that day with her mind. Of course, Lotor totally ignored the fact that Princess Allura couldn't even spell "controlling".   
His opinion of her was as high as his opinion of himself, so of course he thought she could do anything. And what she was doing was hating him with all of her heart. The more he loved her, the more she hated him. It was unfair. Lotor was supposed to be the cruel one, not Allura. He figured that if he started to hate her, she'd start to love him just to spite him, but that would never happen.   
"Allura hates me," he said aloud and shuddered, hearing the realization outside of his brain for the first time. He looked down at the floor and tried to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat with no success and scowled.   
_I'm not going to cry! I never cry! Especially over something so petty!_ he thought to himself, but found that he couldn't keep his promise. He stood up from where he sat, ordered all his servants out of the room, crossed the floor and went into his bedroom. He sat down on his bed and tried to remember the weird dream he had had two nights before.  
"I was wrong," he said to himself, "THEY don't keep her from me...SHE keeps herself from me," he finished his thought and felt the lump in his throat again. Not wanting to fall asleep in his clothes again, as he had the other day (which proved to be painful), he removed what he had on and went into the bathroom to get ready for bed...even though it wasn't even late yet. But he didn't have the spirit to stay up late this time. 

Somebody knocked on his door just as he was brushing his teeth. It was Haggar.   
"Your Highness?" she called.  
"Go away!" he replied as loudly as he could with a mouth full of toothpaste.  
Haggar entered his room anyway, "Are you feeling well? A couple of your servants said you looked slightly green."  
"A little PRIVACY here?!" Lotor growled, ignoring what the old lady said and slamming his bathroom door shut.  
_Damn!_ Haggar thought and looked at her watch, "It's only 4:45pm! Why're you going to bed so early?"  
"Because I don't feel like staying awake to watch the SUNSET!!" Lotor snapped from behind the door.  
Haggar slapped her own face and started again with the concern, "You're not acting like yourself today, Prince Lotor!"  
"Go 'way!"  
"You sound ill! Let me take a look at you!" Haggar lied.  
"The cat DID something on the floor earlier, did you clean it up yet?" Lotor, the Ever-Eloquent mentioned, trying to change the subject.  
"Don't change the subject! I mean it! If you die, King Zarkon will be left heiress!" Haggar protested.  
"He IS hairless!!" Lotor retorted.  
Haggar groaned and said, "Who's going to lead the raid on Arus today?"  
"Yurak," Lotor muttered.  
"Yurak is kinda dead, hon," Haggar told him.  
"Oh, yeah...um, not me," he replied.  
"Your father wants to speak to you," Haggar said.  
"Does my father want to see me half naked?" Lotor asked.  
Haggar felt herself blush, as it were, and thought, _No, but I know someone who DOES!!_  
"I should hope not!" she told him.  
"Keep your robe on! I'm going as fast as I can! PLEASE keep your robe on!"  
Haggar smirked.  
Lotor emerged from the bathroom in a tank top, boxers and fuzzy slippers, "What does he want THIS time? Is he going to preemptively scold me for tomorrow's failure?"  
Haggar turned around as quickly as she could so she wouldn't faint and said, "He's worried about you," she said and thought, _Mission accomplished, girls! Payback time!!_

Lotor followed Haggar through the twisted corridors of Castle Doom, which were relatively quiet today. In fact, it was too quiet today. There were no soldiers in the halls and Lotor didn't see any guards around so he finally asked her, "How come it's so quiet here now?"  
"Everybody's watching talk shows. You've never been about at this time since you've returned, have you?" Haggar asked.  
"No, actually, I haven't," Lotor replied, not knowing he was being watched by all the female servants hiding in the foyers. 

When Haggar and Lotor got to the throne room of Zarkon, the king, flanked by Commander Mogor on the right and five female slaves holding up a TV on the left, stood up and said, "Lotor, you've been acting strange lately."  
Lotor groaned and told him, "I KNOW that! That's what over half the people in the castle are telling me! It has nothing to do with that...lady you put so much thought into setting me up with the other day, I assure you."  
"You DO look green."   
Lotor groaned.  
"...You didn't find that stuff in the basement, did you?" Zarkon said at length.  
"Stuff in the basement?"  
Zarkon hesitated and finally said, "Y'know, the...ah...expensive...uh... the the the the expensive...um...berries Haggar planted in the basement!"  
"You look green today yourself," Lotor told his dad and pointed to Mogor, who had begun to snicker at his superior in fuzzy slippers and clenched his teeth. "Shut UP, Mogor!!"  
"I do?" Zarkon asked worriedly.   
Lotor smirked.   
"Anyway, why in the name of Doom are you dressed for bed at 5 pm?"  
"I'm not going anywhere today," Lotor put simply.  
"Well, you DO look green...what troubles you my son?" Zarkon asked, finding that it was fun to tell his kid he looked green. The slaves holding up the TV giggled a little.  
Lotor turned away from Zarkon and said, "I don't want to talk about it."  
"It's Princess Allura he's down about, your Majesty," Haggar told the king. Leave it to Haggar to tell him everything.  
"You're still whining over her? C'mon, kid! Be realistic! She's a DITZ!! Get over her!" Zarkon told his son with such eloquence it was breathtaking.  
"Don't say that about her!" Lotor snapped, "She's all I ever wanted!! I don't even think I want Arus anymore!! Just HER!!"  
"You're taken in by her pretty face, that's all. All you want is the impossible! It's making you miserable! You need to get your mind off of her and out of the clouds and come back on the ground, because lately you haven't been doing what you're supposed to be doing!" Zarkon told him.  
"I'm sick. Can I stay home?" Lotor pouted.  
"Well, you DO look green," Zarkon said for the third time as Lotor wondered how he was going to slash his vocal cords, "I suppose Mogor could take over for today."  
"I can do that!" Mogor said.  
Haggar restrained the urge to jump up and down yelling "YAY! YAY! YAY!" and said to Zarkon, "I'll prepare my finest and newest robeast!! It's real shiny and has green things on the sides of it!"  
Lotor grumbled something incoherent and began the trip down the hallways and stairs and elevators and escalators back into his room, conveniently as far away from Zarkon as the castle permitted. 

He flopped down on his bed...and in the process gave himself a minor concussion, as he had miscalculated the length of his bed.   
It hurt...a little.   
Then again, compared to the pain of the impact of a cinder block, it tickled. Lotor closed his eyes and thought of the many times Princess Allura had slapped him, the many times she said she'd hated him, the many death threats he got in the mail from her... His throat started with the lump thing again. He cursed and tried to swallow it, but to no avail. 

Turning from the somewhat tragic scene of Lotor crying himself to sleep, we now change venue to the cheery midsummer's day of planet Arus in the Castle of Lions... 

It was Pidge's turn to pick the movie out at Blockbuster, after all, it was HE (SHE, IT) who saved Princess Allura from the evil, scarily sanitary, gloved hands of Lotor yesterday. Allura was glad he'd (she'd, it'd) saved her and all, but she did not appreciate Pidge's choice of movie. Disney's "Sleeping Beauty" had a CURSE word in it!  
Lance leaned over to Keith and asked jokingly, "Did you notice something familiar about King Stephen's clothes?"  
"No heckling!!" Keith replied in a hiss.  
"I thought that's why Pidge got it!" Lance told him.  
"Hey, that's not very nice." Hunk said defensively, surfacing for air, as his head had previously been engulfed by a huge bag of Fritos.  
Allura couldn't help but giggling at the pretty little banners they had in the castle in the movie.  
"Hand zem over, pretty boy," Nanny threatened Hunk, who had his head back in the bag.  
"Nanny, remember you said no violence over snackfoods this time," Koran said, putting a finger up.  
Hunk surrendered the Fritos and Nanny told Koran with her mouth full, "Eet von't do any goot to haff anyvon starfe."  
"Shhh!!" Pidge hissed, who had been glued to the TV, unblinking since the FBI warning.   
Koran snatched the bag from Nanny's face and RAN.  
"Come back here vith zat!! Vaht kind off example does this make for ze Preencess?" she shouted and began to run after him brandishing the 7-inch cleaver she usually kept in her apron.  
Hunk pulled another bag of Fritos from beneath the couch and began to munch victoriously.  
"Will you people be QUIET? I'm watching a MOVIE!!" Pidge yelled angrily.  
All was quiet, except for the speakers, until Maleficent's entrance, in which case, the castle shook tremendously.  
"Aaah! What's that?!" screamed Allura.  
"Wow! This new THX TV we just ordered really makes it seem realistic!" Hunk marveled.  
Lance looked out the window and said, "Looks like Lotor's cruiser!!"  
"Voltron time!" Keith announced.  
Pidge stood up with a bratty stomp on the floor and pouted, "How come Lotor's gotta come along and WRECK everything all the time?"  
"'Cuz he's got the money," Keith replied and they ran off to go assemble Voltron.  
  
"What happened on Jerry today, Mogor? I missed it!" Haggar said over the communications thinggy on the big screen on the bridge.  
Mogor stuffed a few more chocolate pretzels into his mouth and replied, "Aaaah...a 650 pound woman beats her 12 year old daughter into doing housework."  
"Eew," Haggar recoiled, "that's disgusting even for me!!"  
"Poor little humans," Mogor remarked, concealing the pretzels, "Gotta go, security's here."  
"Okay! See you back on Doom for the victory party!" Haggar said cheerily.  
_Why is she always under the impression that Voltron is as harmless as a Transformers toy?_ Mogor asked himself and saw the less-than-sleek robot approach the cruiser.  
Voltron knocked on the side of it. "Anybody home?" asked Keith over the audio channel.  
Mogor held his nose and tried to imitate Lotor's voice, "No! We're all holograms!"  
"Don't give us that, Lotor!! We know you're in there!!" Pidge yelled angrily.  
"Fire!!!" Mogor ordered.  
Every shot missed. Voltron fired its eye laser thinggies and blew out the cruiser's engine, making it go BOOM!! on the ground.  
  
"NUTBUNNIES!!" Haggar cursed from her post at the crystal ball.  
"Will you stop saying that, Haggar?!" Zarkon snapped.  
"Sorry...s'not my fault Lotor made me watch Freakazoid yesterday," Haggar apologized, "But with the engine blown out, it'll take a bit of trouble for it to get back here."  
"Tell them to get out and push!!" Zarkon said as Kitty hopped into his crown.  
"LAUNCH THE ROBEAST, MOGOR!!" Haggar commanded.  
"Haggar, get your cat out of my hat!! It's trying to claw my brain!" Zarkon complained, waggling his head around oddly.  
  
"Launch the--no, wait!! I have an idea!!" Mogor said.  
Haggar growled irritably, "What now?!"  
Mogor held his nose again, "We surrender!"  
"Really? You mean it?" Allura asked, her big, blue, archetypal eyes sparkling with hope.  
"Yes!!" Mogor lied.  
"O-K, team, let's go check it out," Keith said.  
Voltron disassembled and its pilots entered the crashed battle cruiser, which was to them, completely deserted. The "robot" guards had hid in storage compartments, little shelves and under their chairs. So did Mogor.  
"I guess Lotor WASN'T lying to us..." Allura reflected, looking straight at, but not recognizing some guards under a rug, "...maybe he was beginning to turn good."  
"You're going to make it snow, Princess," Lance told her sarcastically.  
"I AM?" she asked anxiously.  
Lance slapped his head and grumbled as Princess Allura twirled around inanely, singing that she was going to make it snow.  
Mogor tried to suppress his laughter as he saw the twirling, stick-like figure of the Princess of Arus, so coveted by his commander, sit down at one of the inoperative control panels and press random buttons as she sang how she was going to make it snow. Several guards began to twitch and giggle silently.  
Castle Doom was in an uproar of hysterical laughter, as Allura's prancing around was broadcast to every TV within. Zarkon had never seen something so ridiculous in his life since the time he put his crown on Lotor's head when the young prince was six years old. Even Kitty was laughing in her own little Kitty way.   
"I'm taping this!!" Haggar announced, subsiding from an outburst of laughter.  
~NOW, Mogor!~ Haggar shouted into Mogor's brain, via crystal ball.  
Mogor stood up and singingly shouted, "GOT you!!"   
"Huh?" went the Voltron force.  
All the guards and soldiers on the bridge stood up and pointed their weapons at them.  
"This looks like a good place to stick a commercial," commented Lance.  
"Bum bum BUM!" 

  
"Lotor..." a soft, feminine voice called softly. "...Lotor..."  
"Who goes there?" he asked groggily.  
"Lotor..."  
"That's my name, don't wear it out,"  
"Lotor..."  
"WHAT?!"  
"...Lotor.."  
"Who are you?"  
"..lotor..."  
"No, I'm Lotor! Who are YOU?"  
"...lotor..."  
"You're beginning to annoy me,"  
"Open your eyes, Prince Lotor..."  
Lotor opened his eyes and looked the wrong way, "You invisible?"  
"Wrong way, nimnel..."  
Lotor faced the voice and found that it was... 


	2. Cats on Doom.

...Kitty!!  
"Hello, Lotor, my boy!" Kitty purred.  
"You're a CAT!" Lotor gasped.  
"NO! I'm a marsupial!"  
"And you're TALKING!!!!!"   
"He CAN be taught!" Kitty announced.  
"How'd you get in here?" Lotor asked, "I locked that door so nobody'd..."  
"See you cry?" asked Kitty suavely.  
Lotor scowled at Kitty and grumbled, "You gobbled my sock up yesterday!"  
"It was nummy!" Kitty told the prince cheerily, 'smiling'.  
"Is this a dream?" asked Lotor.  
"Have the walls ever pulsated before?" asked Kitty.  
"Ummm...ur...no?" Lotor guessed.  
"GOOD boy!!" Kitty mocked, 'clapping'.  
"I've always wondered what you'd sound like," Lotor said curiously.  
"Cut it out with the small talk, Axe-Head. I am here for a reason," Kitty told him dutifully.  
"Axe-Head?!" Lotor growled.  
"I am here for a REASON!!!"  
"I'm mildly offended by that!!"  
"Let me get straight to the point..."  
"That was cruel!"  
"That's it. I quit. Sweet dreams, little prince," Kitty said and vanished.  
"Oops...not good to offend blue cats," Lotor said to himself.  
"Lotor..." another female voice beckoned from his side. This voice sounded thoughtless and ditzy. He recognized it immediately.  
"Allura!!" Lotor called and ran to her slender silhouette.  
"Uh-oh...Lotor, stop!! I--" Allura started to say, but was cut off as Lotor squeezed her in what was intended to be a hug.  
"I finally have you!! YES!!! WOOHOO!! Mine! You're mine! All mine!! Mine mine mine mine mine!!" Lotor announced in triumph, squeezing Princess Allura tighter.  
"Leggo!! Can't...breathe!!" she managed.  
Suddenly, Lotor remembered what he had discovered earlier and let her go, "I'm sorry...I forgot that you hate me."   
Allura stepped forward in an apologetic manner and Lotor gave her as much of a sad puppy face as he could. "It's about time you figured it out," she told him.  
"Go away," Lotor pouted, feeling the return of the infamous lump, "you make it worse!"  
The background music changed to Live's "Turn My Head".  
"I want to hate you! Look at what you've done to me!! You've turned me into a crying, sniveling idiot!!" he barked, pointing an accusing finger at the princess, "But I don't hate you...I love you with all of my heart! All I want is you! Not your planet, not your people, not anything...except for you..." he trailed off and rubbed his eye with the base of his wrist. _I'm not going to cry,_ he thought.   
"Prince Lotor..." Allura started, but was halted by Lotor as he put up his hand as a signal to stop.  
He looked away dramatically, closing his eyes. He contorted his face to fight back unwanted leakage in the optical zone and successfully swallowed the lump in his throat. The music stopped in mid-verse. He looked back sadly at the shaking, eighty-pound figure of Allura, narrowed his eyes and smirked, "I don't care anymore," he said seductively, "You can hate me all you want... but I don't care!"  
"You're scaring me, Lotor!!" Allura squeaked as he stalked forward with his eyes half open and an evil grin on his face.   
"You are MINE! I am YOURS! Hate me or not!" he told Allura, pressing her against a wall that so conveniently appeared. He felt her squirm and he smiled fiendishly, "That's it, princess...struggle...struggle all you like... it makes it more fun that way."  
Princess Allura looked into his dangerously amorous, yellow cat-like eyes and gulped as he lifted her chin up gently in an effort to kiss her. He stared into her scared-to-bits blue eyes and closed in on his target. They both quivered a little and Lotor decided to go in for a gentle landing. Closer and closer his face came to her's...their hearts beating at the same pace once again. He came to within .3 millimeters of her, and then...  
"ATTENTION ALL D-MART SHOPPERS, PRINCE LOTOR, PLEASE REPORT TO THE MAIN THRONE ROOM, YOUR FATHER WANTS TO SPEAK TO YOU. THAT'S PRINCE LOTOR, PLEASE REPORT TO THE MAIN THRONE ROOM, YOUR FATHER WANTS TO SPEAK TO YOU," the megaphone of Haggar announced, nearly rupturing his eardrums.  
Lotor sat up, seething, clenching his teeth and his fists, growling incoherently as Haggar smiled smugly at him, "Rise and shine, your Highness! Your father has a huge, huge, big, huge, hugely big, ginourmous big, heap big wampum surprise for you!"  
As Haggar hobbled around the prince's room straightening pictures and doodads on dressers and lamp shades and other USEFUL things, Lotor, twitching, nearly insane with rage, clawed out of his bed. He cleared off the nearest TV tray, picked it up above his head and was about to bring it down on the old witch's head, but she turned around.   
Lotor smiled a plastic smile and quickly hid the TV tray behind his back. "Surprise?" he asked as ditzily as was Lotorly possible, sticking out his little finger in a princely manner. "I just LOVE surprises! Don't you? Heheheheheheh...heh...heh...eeeh."  
Haggar looked at him blankly, "Sure," she said.  
Then it was the half hour trek up to Zarkon's throne room once again. This time, Castle Doom was bustling with activity, slaves and guards and soldiers and guards running after slaves being followed by giggling soldiers...all was normal again. Lotor wished he'd gotten dressed this time. Now the entire galaxy would be on about his fuzzy slippers.  
Zarkon was pacing around on his Aztec-pyramid-like throne like a dog long for the outside when Haggar and Lotor finally entered, "It's about bloody TIME you got here!!" he complained.  
"What's the surprise?" asked Lotor tonelessly, rubbing his left eye.  
"Surprise?" Zarkon asked in a patronizing manner, smiling evilly.  
Lotor gave his father an "I got out of bed for THIS?!" look and folded his arms.  
"For cheese cakes, boy! Get some clothes on!!" Zarkon scolded.  
Lotor scowled.  
"You're too persistent for your own good, Lotor," Zarkon said, sitting down. He clapped his hands together and Mogor came forth, "Give the prince his surprise, Commander."  
"Okie Dokie," Mogor said, saluting. He pulled out a remote control and pushed a few buttons on it. It raised a door behind Zarkon's throne and out stepped 4/5ths of the Voltron Force in chains.  
Lotor's jaw dropped.  
"What's up, maaaan?" asked Keith, who had obviously been drugged.  
Lotor climbed the stairs of Zarkon's throne and searched frantically for Princess Allura, "Where'd you put her?!"  
"Put who?" Zarkon smirked.  
Mogor was holding a bag of pork rins up in front of Hunk, tormenting him savagely.  
Lotor pulled his father up by his collar and growled, "If you broke Allura, I'll..."  
"Oh HER!!! Mogor, drag her out," Zarkon said.  
Mogor struggled to drag the flailing princess out into the open by her foot, but it was hard since she kicked and wiggled and scratched her nails on the shiny floor. When Mogor finally got her out and stood her up, she fell to her knees, sobbing.  
Lotor rushed over to Allura and found her in one of his slave's outfits, badly battered and bruised and scratched and stuff. "How could they DO this to you?!" he whispered on the brink of crying, taking her into his arms.  
"With whips and chains and...Barry Manalow records," she sobbed.  
"Father...how could you let this happen?!" Lotor barked angrily through his tears.  
"Don't look at me, kid. I'm not the one who captured her," Zarkon replied indignantly.  
"Oh...Mogor, how could YOU let this happen?!"  
"Shipping and handling wasn't as safe as I expected. How would I know that I sent 'em in with whips and chains and Barry Manalow records?!" Mogor asked in reply.  
"You MAILED them here?!" Haggar asked, looking at Mogor like he had three heads.  
"Don't look at me in that tone of voice! The mail ship got into a little accident and exploded a little, but hey, she's alive! I've never captured a Voltron Force before! How'm I supposed to do it?!" Mogor whined, flailing his hands about.  
"Don't MAIL them to Doom, you nitwit!!" Lotor yelled.  
"Ah, excuse me, Lotor...could you get off the princess?" Pidge asked politely, clearly showing signs of jealousy.  
"No way!" Lotor smirked, holding her closer, "She's MINE!! You can't have her!! Get your own!"  
"Keith, DO something!!" Pidge whined.  
"Whuh? Ummm...like...trees and flowers and little butterflies, lil dude (and or dudette), look at all them COLORS, maaaan!!" Keith replied, swaying slightly to the left, looking at the ceiling.  
"Lance, DO something!!" Pidge whined.  
Lance shrugged and put his hands in his jacket.  
"Hunk, DO something," Pidge whined, getting desperate.  
"Munch Munch Huh? Oh, yeah...the princess...uh...I can't move. I got these chains on, remember?"  
Pidge took the effort to slap himself in the head, although it was weighted down by a manacle.  
Lotor caressed Allura's slightly bruised face with the back of his hand and told her softly, "It's all right...I won't let them mail you ever again."  
"What's that thing on that cat's head?" Allura asked, trying to change the subject. She took a few minutes to figure out Lotor was getting a little too close.  
"I'll never take a day off again! You'll never be treated like this in the future...EVER! Mostly because in the future, you'll be here, but that's beside the point." Lotor promised the princess, stroking her half-burnt hair gently.  
"Not in the throne room, Lotor," Zarkon scolded, still fighting for his pork rinds.  
"Wait, your Highness, wait!" Haggar said, putting up a finger and reaching into her cloak. She pulled out a video camera and announced, "I'm tapin' this!!"  
Mogor groaned.  
Lotor leaned closer into Princess Allura.  
"Lotor, I said NOT IN THE THRONE ROOM!!!" Zarkon reiterated.  
Pidge was about to spontaneously combust.   
"Aaaah...Lotor, I think we should REALLY consider this logically before we go through with it! Y'know, testing and such, 'cuz with all the slaves and people you've...been with, you might...y'know...need to be checked out," Allura stalled nervously, smiling a royal plastic smile.  
Lotor was again .3 millimeters from kissing Allura. Again the king of Doom told the prince, "NOT IN THE THRONE ROOM!!"  
.2  
.1  
.0.........  
Lotor kissed Allura softly on the mouth and drew back a little. Everybody just stood there staring at them (except Keith) and Lotor picked the princess up, "Okay, father. Not in the throne room," he said and carried her out.  
Zarkon turned to Mogor and said, "So, Mogor...where's that meddling metal can Voltron?"  
"Uuuuh...on Arus?" Mogor answered sheepishly.  
"WHAT?!" Haggar and Zarkon reacted in unison.  
Mogor put his hand behind his back and whined, "Well, how was I supposed to know you wanted the robot here? I mean, we couldn't have the Voltron Force flying them to Doom, could we?"  
"You left Voltron back on Arus? Just WAITING for more space explorers to find it?! Mogor, sometimes you irk me," Zarkon grumbled.   
"Well, we TRIED to get the lions back to Doom! I sent my best pilots out to the lions, but they kept saying some guy with a beard came on the screen and told them to shoo!!" Mogor explained.  
"That still doesn't bring Voltron here, Mogor," Haggar warned him, slightly put out, "You could've at least let my robeast tear them up!!"  
"THAT'S what I forgot today! The robeast! Sorry, Haggar...I guess we can save it for the next planet with giant robot security!" Mogor said, embarrassed.  
Haggar gave him a STARE.  
"I hear this planet Cybertron has a BUNCH of robots!! Maybe we should..."  
"Mogor, go back to Arus and take it over, you nimnel!!" Zarkon bellowed, "You're worse than Lotor!!"  
"Yes, sir...I'll just go take over Arus now...okay...bye," Mogor squeaked as much as Mogorly possible and slinked away to his command ship.  
"Okay, now for the final matter, Haggar," Zarkon said, turning to the pickled old hag.  
Haggar sat there like an idiot for a few minutes picking at the dirt beneath her fingernails.  
"HAGGAR!!"  
"EEYAH!! Oh, um, sorry, Your Majesty! What did you say?" Haggar asked, almost falling over.  
"Get rid of these little hooligans," Zarkon told her irritably, gesturing to the remainder of the Voltron Force.  
"Certainly, Your Highness," she complied and turned to the boys. "Come with me, where chains will never bind you--no, wait...::ahem:: You can test out our new torture room!"  
"Oh, boyoboyoboy!!" Lance heckled.  
"NO HECKLING!!" Pidge, Hunk, Haggar, Zarkon and all present guards and soldiers scolded.  
Keith was too busy swaying back and forth. 

"Do you know how long I've waited for this?" Lotor asked Allura about halfway to his room.  
"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh...'bout a year?" Allura guessed, blinking like an owl.  
"Close enough," Lotor said, stepping onto an escalator.  
"I should have slapped you!" Allura told him angrily.  
"It's a little late, Highness," Lotor said, chuckling a little.  
"This thing is so uncomfortable!!" Allura complained about her outfit, "It must be pretty painful for your poor slaves to go around dressed like Princess Leia was when she got captured by Jabba the Hutt!"  
"Y'know what, Princess?" Lotor asked.  
"What?"  
"You hate me, don't you?"   
"Oh, just a TAD," Allura spat.  
"No, I mean it. You hate me! You absolutely hate me! Why is that?"   
"Probably because you're evil and a relentless killer and you go around torturing people for no good reason and you're gunna take over my planet!" Allura said, showing a rare fleck of intelligence.  
"Oh...so other than that, I'm okay, right?" Lotor asked.  
"What are you on about?" Allura asked.  
"I...don't really know how to ask you this, but is there anything you like about me just physically?" Lotor asked nervously.  
"Yyyyyeah..." Allura replied sheepishly.  
"REALLY?!" Lotor perked up.  
"I'm not BLIND!" she retorted, "I think you should dress like this more often! Love the slippers."  
Lotor just smiled. Surprisingly, she smiled back. 

Pidge was rubbing his(her/its)cup back and forth against the bars of the cell and moaning incoherently. Keith was hitting his head against the wall repeatedly. Hunk was discovering how good Doomanite cockroaches could taste. Lance stood and thought for awhile.  
A scream was heard from the torture room down the hall.  
"It's been a real pleasure working with you guys...you too, Pidge," Lance said.  
Pidge got up and looked at Lance with big puppy eyes and whined, "We CAN'T give up, Lance! We've been in worse scrapes than this before and we got through!! We HAVE to get out of here and save the princess!!"  
"The little guy's right. We've been through this before! The proof's right in the cell across from us! See? 'Sven vaz here', in big huge letters! D'ya see that?" Hunk pointed out.  
Lance and Pidge looked across into the cell that they once shared on their first visit to Doom. Pidge started to sob and dropped to the floor, "Poor Sven! The blue lion must miss you!"   
Lance looked at Hunk quizzically, "He's (she's/its)always been like that," Hunk said softly as Pidge pounded on the floor, throwing a hissy fit.  
Suddenly, Lance felt a light start to glow behind him. He turned and faced the swirling tunnel and grinned a real big grin, "A PLOT HOLE!! Guys! Pidge! We're saved!! WOOHOO!!"  
"Huh?" Pidge huhed as Hunk put a hand on his shoulder.  
"Jump in!" he told him (her/it)and took Keith's elbow.  
The Voltron Force jumped into the plot hole and were gone just as Haggar came up to the cell.  
"Oh, BUGGER!" she snapped, "Stupid plot holes...those things have beaten Yurak and Lotor more times than I've---oh, @#$%."


	3. Keepin' it TV-Y7.

The Voltron Force found themselves fully clothed, undrugged and unchained in their respective lions.   
  
"That was some trip!" Keith remarked.   
  
Lance snickered, "Bad joke!"   
  
"You okay, Princess?" Pidge asked.   
  
"I'm fine, Pidge! Dunno about Lotor, though," she acknowledged.   
  
"He deserved it!!" Pidge spat, then mumbled, "horny lil [bad word]..."   
  
"Keep it TV Y7, Pidge. Mogor's back!" Hunk said, pointing to the big cruiser in the night sky. 

  
"Mogor, don't forget the robeast this time, you dizbat!" Zarkon growled over the big screen.   
  
"Will do," Mogor said, saluting.   
  
Haggar popped up on the small screen, "Mogor, beware! A plothole allowed the Voltron Force to escape! Be prepared for attack!"   
  
"It's a little late for that NOW, Haggar!! I have TWO ships!! What the hell am I supposed to do with two ships?!" Mogor screamed, flailing his arms about.   
  
"I suggest you vamoose before you get creamed!" Zarkon suggested.   
  
"Velveeta Cheesed is more like it!!" Haggar corrected, "Launch the robeast and get back to Doom!!"   
  
"Will do," Mogor said and saluted...again, "Launch the robeast and get us out of here, PRONTO!!" 

  
So, 'twas done. The robeast, after 5 seconds of 'fierce' combat with Voltron, was now spare parts for the Arusian auto repair industry. Mogor and his 2 ships made it back to Doom without a scratch and the Voltron Force went back to watching "Sleeping Beauty".   
  
It was back to Lance heckling and Keith hushing and Hunk, Koran and Nanny competing for Fritos and Pidge reciting every word in the movie. Pidge tried to sing all the songs, but Lance and Keith put a pillow over his head before he could get out a note. 

Meanwhile, back at Castle Doom, Lotor didn't have the comfort of a Disney movie and was going even more insane.   
  
"Your Highness, don't torture yourself by thinking of her," one of his slaves (who just happened to be a former psychiatrist) told him.   
  
Lotor, huddled up in the fetal position on his bed, shook his head vigorously and sniffed, "She's MINE!"   
  
The slave-psychiatrist nodded and thought for a little bit, "Majesty, close your eyes. What do you see?"   
  
"I see shiny things...they're all dancing around...and I see HER," Lotor answered.   
  
"Uh-HUH...I see...and this has gone on for how long?" she asked, feeling his forehead.   
  
"Since Tuesday," Lotor said, "but now it's WORSE!"   
  
The slave turned to Haggar and whispered, "He's needs professional help."   
  
"I thought you said you WERE a professional!" Haggar replied.   
  
"The key word is WERE," she said.   
  
"Is he physically sick as well?" Haggar asked.   
  
"It appears so...might want to do something about it," she replied.   
  
"Such as?"   
  
"Oh...I dunno...maybe one of those mideval things witches do."   
  
"You're a lot of help," Haggar said sarcastically, "Go back to what you were doing. This session is over." 

  
The slave disappeared and Haggar went to her labratory. She sat and stroked her cat for awhile, then decided to probe Allura's mind again. She might have something in there worth a laugh or two, like last time, she thought and went to one of her many crystal balls. She uttered weird words and wiggled her eyes. Soon came a vision of what the princess saw that moment. "How cute! A Disney movie!" she commented and turned up the sound on the crystal ball.   
  
" 'Sleeping Beauty', huh? I have a wonderfully awful idea!" Haggar announced and looked around, "I should really quit talking to myself." "You wanna put my son WHERE?!" Zarkon bellowed.   
  
"In suspended animation! These humans are easily influenced by what they watch. We should halt all assults on Arus until they get so paranoid, they send Voltron to Castle Doom itself! With its guard down, Voltron will be helpless!" Haggar stated.   
  
"What does this have to do with Lotor, Witch?" Zarkon asked irritably.   
  
"He's rather ill at the moment, sire. Time heals all wounds, I should know. Princess Allura is very fond of fairy tales and would give anything to be in one, so..." Haggar explained.   
  
"I getcha," the king said, "So that solves Lotor's problem lickety split. One more problem, though."   
  
"That would be...?"   
  
"How do we know that another plothole won't pop up?"   
  
"Plotholes only appear to releave the authors' writers block. Unless she forgets everything she wants to happen, that won't be a problem anymore," Haggar said.   
  
"Excellent. Okay. Go wiggle your nose or ears or something and put Lotor in stop animation," Zarkon said.   
  
"Stop animation is a cheap way of making a cartoon, sire. I said SUSPENDED animation!" Haggar pointed out.   
  
"Yeah, yeah. Expensive animation, whatever."   
  
Haggar slapped her head and groaned. 

  
Lotor was already asleep when Haggar returned to his room. She stood and thought about how she was going to do this. "Now, should I just put him to sleep or the entire castle asleep?" she asked herself, "No, that'd be just plain STUPID. We have to be awake to ambush Voltron. Yup! That's the way it'll go!"   
  
The prince growled and mumbled incoherently. He banged his head on the wall and moaned.   
If Haggar had a left eyebrow, she would've cocked it. But seeing as she was without, she just stared at him like he had three heads, "You need help, kid. You may be handsome, but you need HELP."   
  
Haggar went into that whole evil spell chanty thinngydoo with the necklaces and the toads kinna thing. "Hey evil spirits!! You ever seen Disney's 'Sleeping Beauty'?"   
  
A whirlpool of puke green and greyish purple clouds formed on the ceiling and a booming, distorted, multi-voiced, echo-boxed voice came from it: ~Yeah, what's it to ya, babe?~   
  
"Prince Lotor here is obsessed with the Princess of Arus, who just watched that movie. She's a bit slow on the uptake and would jump at the chance to be in a fairy tale. Even though this is a bit screwed up, I'd like you to put a spell..." Haggar explained.   
  
~...on the princess so he can wake her up. We gettit. Didn't you just try something like that the other day?~ the spirits spoke before Haggar could finish.   
  
"No, You didn't let me finish," Haggar said, "I want you to put the spell on the PRINCE!!"   
  
~You've gone funny, Haggar. Allura wouldn't kiss Lotor even if he was Fabio,~ the spirits said.   
  
"Aw, c'mon! You guys are just unfair!!" Haggar whined, crossing her arms.   
  
~No whining, Witch!!~ the spirits told her, ~Either do it the way it's supposed to be done or forget about it!~   
  
"I just put the princess to sleep day before yesterday!!" Haggar explained.   
  
~And...?~   
  
"And when we came to take her away, that little androgynous kid with the glasses pulled out a grenade and we had to leave her behind!"   
  
~Is she awake now?~ the evil spirits asked.   
  
"Yes," Haggar said.   
  
~How come? Didn't you put that 'Sleeping Beauty' spell on her?~   
  
"No," Haggar admitted sheepishly, "My budget had to limit her to a temporary spell."   
  
~And this was, what? Two days ago?~ asked the spirits.   
  
"Three, actually," Haggar replied.   
  
~Then how come you have the budget now to get the spell done?~   
  
"I got paid just yesterday," she said.   
  
There was some incoherent mumbling amongst the spirits and then they said, ~Are you SURE you want to put the PRINCE to sleep? He'll be mighty pissed at you when he finds out.~   
  
"Well, it fits the title more, doesn't it?" Haggar asked them.   
  
~Title, schmitle! If you're counting on Princess Allura of Arus to kiss your prince, you'd better find something to do for the next zillion years!~ the spirits replied irkedly.   
  
Haggar stood and thought for awhile and said, "Are we just going to throw the title to the wind, then?"   
  
~The prince has been sleeping for most of this ordeal!! It's someone else's turn!!~ the spirits bellowed.   
  
"We'd get our butts sued off by Disney!" Haggar snapped back.   
  
~We still say we'd rather put the princess to sleep. And without us, you will find it VERY, VERY difficult to do your spell,~ the spirits reiterated.   
  
"Well, YOU can't do much, either!! You're stuck on another plane of existence!! You can't effect anything on the plane of the living without a channel, i.e., me!" Haggar yelt.   
  
~We can find ANOTHER witch, Witch!! And quit talking about planes!! Fritz over there died in a plane crash!~ the spirits argued.   
  
"Okay, okay. Quit being so LOUD!! You're going to wake him up!" Haggar fussed, pointing to Lotor who was tossing and mumbling in his bed.   
  
~Oh, sorry. So, do you agree?~ the spirits asked.   
  
Haggar sighed in defeat and said, "Yeah, sure, why not?"   
  
~Oh, GOODIE!!! You'll find this plan better than the other one. You see, with THIS spell, only Lotor can wake Allura up! It's as good as a hostage situation!~ the spirits explained with the perkiness of a 7-year old schoolgirl. "Hmmm...I never thought of that! Good idea!" Haggar said.   
  
Lotor then hit his head on the wall again and groaned loudly, "Oooooooh!! ALLURA!! You can't...NOOOOO!!"   
  
If the spirits had the ability to, they would have given Lotor a quizzical look. Instead, they just paused and said, ~oKAY! He needs help!~   
  
"You have no IDEA how many people have said that lately," Haggar said.   
  
~What? You're not going to chew us out for making fun of him? We thought, y'know, you...had a little...thing for him,~ the spirits remarked.   
  
"What on Doom gave you THAT idea? Lotor's cute, but I like Zarkon better!" Haggar admitted.   
  
~You like ZARKON better?! THERE'S a twist!~ the spirits told her.   
  
"Oh, leave me alone! I didn't call you to explain my long-dead 'love-life' to you, now did I?" Haggar half-growled.   
  
The ancient omnipotent evil spirits snickered and sang softly, ~Haggar and Zarkie, sittin' in a tree!!...~   
  
"Oh, shuttup! Let's get this thing over with!"   
  
~Well, the prince's bedroom isn't exactly the right place to do a complicated incantation such as a Sleeping Beauty spell, especially not with the specifics recently added in. We suggest you go to your lab,~ the spirits advised, then chuckled, ~...she likes Zarkon better!!~   
  
"I heard that!!"   
  
~We have another idea. How bout let's let poor little Lotor's nightmare end and have him share a dream with the princess lady?~   
  
"She's asleep by now, it's worth a try. Sure, why not?" Haggar replied amiably for the first time that day.   
  
~Ping. Okay, to the lab!~ the spirits said cheerily after some incoherent mumbling.   
  
"Man, that was QUICK! No fair!" Haggar whined.   
  
~What did we say about whining, Haggar?!~   
  
"Sorry." 

  
"Goodnight, Princess...goodnight, Hunk...goodnight, Keith...goodnight, Lance...goodnight Koran...goodnight, Nanny...put the cleaver away now," Pidge said sleepily in his(her, its) sleeping clothes(dress, moomoo) when Nanny released him(her, it) from her grip.   
  
"Goodnight, lil buddy!" the people he addressed all said in unison and slunked off to bed.   
  
Keith went to bed and just laid there like the robot nobody knew he really was. Lance went to bed and thought about the girl he'd most recently met, Jenvin(inside joke). Hunk went to bed and ate another bag of Doritos. Pidge went to bed and went to sleep and snored like a rhinoceros. Somewhere out there, Sven went to bed and was chanting "I am a donut!" in German. Koran went to bed and had a minor ulcer. Nanny went to bed, I'm not elaborating. Allura went to bed and she closed her eyes and eventually went to sleep.   
  
The princess found herself in a pretty pink spring forest, blooming with flowers, butterflies and pink bunnies. She smelled the flowers and the butterflies and danced around cheerfully (lalalala)with her little meese friends dancing at her heels (they weren't really dancing, however, they were trying to avoid her feet). Then she started twirling around and singing the "Once upon a dream" song, with a shadow that was supposed to be where Prince Phillip would've been, but Allura couldn't keep the image in her brain, she didn't have enough memory. Haggar was watching this from her shiny new crystal ball, recently Fed Exed to her on HALLOWEEN, and was nearly puking at the pinkness.   
  
~Well, what are you waiting for, Haggar?!~ the spirits asked.   
  
Haggar shuffled over to her other crystal ball, where Lotor was dreaming he was Mulder from the X-Files and Scully was Princess Allura, in a pink trench coat. Once again, as in all of Lotor's dreams, they were too close for the rating TV Y7. He was ---  
  
Ugh! Disney! Turn it off!! he thought to himself.   
  
Allura, in her twirlings, managed to spot Lotor, who was dressed as the prince in the movie. He was still Lotor, though. Still purple, still dangerous, still evil...handsome in his new outfit, but evil. She stopped in mid-twirl and gasped ditzyly, "Stay away from me!"   
  
Lotor had never sung a note in his life, but he found himself singing the song the princess had just so recently, "I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream..."   
  
"Lotor, go away!" the princess shouted as he approached.   
  
The singing that Lotor thought he had been doing came from overhead then and he tried to make with the lip sync, but being dubbed anime, he found that most difficult. He looked like a Godzilla movie.   
  
"I said go away! Go away and stay away!"   
  
The music again came from above, but Lotor ignored it and walked behind her back, "I hope I'm not intruding on anything important!" he tried to shout over the now annoying song.   
  
"What was that?!" Allura asked over the music.   
  
Lotor pounded on a tree and yelled, "Hey, you up there! Cut it OUT!"   
  
"Sorry," sang the voice and it slinked away solemnly with its head down.   
  
"Aaw, you hurt the poor music's FEELINGS!" Allura whined.   
  
Lotor gave her a quizzical stare and said, "o-KAY. And people say I'M the one who needs help."   
  
Allura gave him a cold stare and he wrapped his fingers around her shoulders.   
  
"Are you in the middle of something important?" Lotor asked, deepening his voice a bit.   
  
"Don't you deepen your voice at me, you goonie goon!" Allura snapped as she released herself from his grip.   
  
"Why not?" he tried to ask in an even deeper tone, but found himself hacking up a storm, "Okay...cough  
  
"You just don't GET it, do you? I don't care if you cough up a lung! Quit tryina seduce me!!" Allura growled.   
  
"It's not MY fault you're pretty! It's not MY fault you're so spirited! It's not MY fault you'd rather go on a date with HUNK!!" Lotor expressed indignantly, folding his arms and turning his nose up in a princely manner.   
  
"That's because you're EVIL! I hate evil! Evil is bad! Nobody evil wears pink!" Allura proclaimed in the same manner Lotor had done. "You and I have more in common than you think, dear princess. Love is blind, deaf, tasteless, dumb and doesn't discriminate. I KNOW I shouldn't have this thing for you, it's going to be the ruin of both you AND me," Lotor said gently.   
  
"This coming from a man who kicks little puppies in the street?!" Allura retorted.   
  
"I'm sorry that I was born Zarkon's little stooge...but that's the way it is. I can't un-stooge myself and I'm sorry about the puppies. I think sometimes if I agitate you...you might develop this love-hate thing for me," Lotor told the princess hesitantly, closing his eyes.   
  
"I don't understand how something so beautiful on the outside could possibly be so ugly on he inside!" Allura barked harshly.   
  
"It's the role I am fixed in. I'm always the loser now, thanks to Voltron. If you'd've surrendered to Yurak, you wouldn't have this problem," Lotor explained.   
  
"You leave Voltron out of this!" Allura yelt.   
  
"What are you trying to make of this?! A soap opera?! Personally, I'm rather insulted. Those things make me vomit," Lotor remarked.   
  
"Grr!" Allura growled.   
  
"Oh, I see I'm wearing you down!" Lotor stepped forward and backed her up against a tree.   
  
SLAP!   
  
"Don't you come NEAR me, you yellow-eyed monster!" Allura exclaimed.   
  
Lotor growled incoherently (again)and looked up at her angrily, "We ALSO have stuff not in common. Your people fear what you don't understand... my people WANT what we don't understand. It's no WONDER you're on the defending side! If Voltron wasn't around, your planet would be nothing more than a giant asteroid floating in the void!!"   
  
"You DARE insult my people!?" Princess Allura queried imperiously.   
  
"I DARE do whatever I want!! Your people should take a lesson from MY people and take chances! The ONLY reason you are alive is because of ME! If I decided you weren't worth it, you would have died the day I met you! You should be thankful fate has dealt me the wrong cards, so I have to fold again and again!" Lotor barked, than exhaled and took a gentler tone of voice, "Be thankful that I fell in love with you, Princess."   
  
"I will be thankful for no such thing! You know NOTHING of love! You are...what's the word...fuh-fah-fih-sik-ly attracted to me!! That's it! You love me for my body, not my mind!!" Allura accused.   
  
"There's not much of a mind to be attracted TO!" Lotor retorted. Why do you think the Voltron Force is always drooling over you? Is it your ability to calculate pi to the umteenth decimal? No! You are gorgeous, but you don't have much in the way of brains! You have spunky, but nothing up there! You are all heart, that's why everybody loves you. You love them. You even love ME; you just love to hate me. It's a passion, but it's polarity makes the difference."   
  
"Huh?" Allura asked, shaking her head, "I don't get it."   
  
Lotor smiled a little and walked off in his Mulder outfit, "Sweet dreams, Your Highness. I'll see you...later"   
  
"Lotor, wait! Explain what you just meant! I didn't get it!" Allura called after him blondely.   
  
"I know," Lotor said slyly and woke up.  



	4. Sleeping Ditzy.

It was morning and the sun rose over Arus gracefully. Clouds in front of it scattered its rays and made a beautiful sunrise, yellow, white, blue and pink and little flecks of purple now and again. Too bad nobody bothered to look up. It was 5 am!! Who'd be up at that ungodly hour besides myself writing this story? A whole beautiful sunrise!! Wasted!! Unappreciated! Cast out and forgotten!! Oh...I'm sorry...I was getting a little carried away. Anyway, the sun rose and sat there for 2 hours doing nothing and then rose a little more.   
  
"Preencess? Preencess? Get ahp!" Nanny sang, sofly shaking the princess.   
  
No response.   
  
"Preencess? Are you feelink all right,dahlink?"   
  
No response.   
  
"Oh, Preeencess...somevon eez here to see you!! Zay hello, Keith!" Nanny sang and deepened her voice, "Ello, Preencess. Vake Ahp! Ve need you een zohm zenzeless vohr!!"   
  
No response.   
  
"Preencess!! Vake ahp!!" Nanny tried desperately again. Suddenly, her brontosaurus brain came up with an idea. She went to the bathroom and came back with a bucket of ice water (don't ask me how it got iced), "OKay, Your Highness! Vakie vakie!" she sang jovially and dumped the bucket of water on her head.   
  
No response.   
  
Nanny stood and thought until noon. Then the rest of the Voltron Force came in. Lance was the first to speak, "What's up, Nanny?"   
  
"Not ze preencess, zaht's for sure," Nanny replied.   
  
Keith stepped over to the side of the bed and looked down at her, "Why's she...wet?"   
  
"Eeeeeew!" Pidge remarked.   
  
"You zick deezguzting cheeldren! I poured a bucket of ice vahter on her!" Nanny told them indignantly, putting the empty bucket on Pidge's head.   
  
"Lemmee try something," Hunk said and stepped forward. He held his nose and did his world-famous Lotor impression, "Princess Allura, my darling, wake up! Voltron is a rust puddle in the court yard and my guards are kicking Koran and Nanny into obscure alleyways! Your civilization has gone kaputski! Join me...and I will complete your training, young Skywalke--er I mean come with me and we can leave this desolate planet together!!"   
  
No response.   
  
Lance did his squealing puppy impression, "Hear THAT, Princess? I just kicked a puppy! It was pink and fuzzy and born last night! Wake up before I kick it again!"   
  
No response.   
  
"I have a feeling this has happened before..." Pidge said.   
  
"Oh, no. Not THIS again!" Lance whined and put his hand over his face. "I used to think Haggar was creative when she cast her spells," Keith said.   
  
"Maybe she had a list and maybe she reached the end of her list and NOW she's going backwards!" Hunk suggested.   
  
"Oh, NO!" Nanny pouted, "Zees eez gettingk tiringk! Von't zay ever give ahp? Zat stupid prince of Zarkon's!!"   
  
"His name's Lotor, Nanny," Pidge told her.   
  
"I knew zat!"   
  
Keith put his head on Allura's chest and made a funny face at Nanny while he listened for her heartbeat, "Well, her ticker's still ticking...she's still respir--I mean breathing properly, too."   
  
"Off course she's breathing properly! A preencess should ALVAYS breathe properly!" Nanny stated imperiously.   
  
"Ugh," Lance said, shaking his head.   
  
"So how do we break the spell? We don't have a witch!" Pidge cried.   
  
"We don't even know what the spell IS, Pidge. It's not the same as Tuesday's!" Hunk said.   
  
~May WE be of assistance?~ the evil spirits asked, swirling from their weird whirlpool of non-pink, clearly contrasting with the room.   
  
"Who are you?!" asked Keith.   
  
~Haggar's boss. She asked me to come tell you how to break the spell,~ the evil spirits said lightly.   
  
"I think she's lost it," said Lance.   
  
~Us too. You should SEE the kooky things she's been up to! Insane! Her brain was eroded away by time.~   
  
"How? How do we break the spell?" asked Pidge urgently.   
  
~Only Prince Lotor can break the spell.~   
  
"Aaw, NUTBUNNIES!" Lance remarked, put his hands in his pockets and shrugged.   
  
"I shoulda KNOWN Haggar'd do something like that!" Hunk exclaimed.   
  
~Actually, it was our idea. Haggar wanted to put the spell on Lotor, so that only Allura could wake him up. Not a very smart decision. We know how much your princess despises him, so just leaving him there'd be the easy way to get rid of him,~ the spirits explained.   
  
"Hey, whose SIDE are you on, anyway?" Keith asked.   
  
~OUR side,~ the spirits replied and vanished.   
  
The Voltron Force and Nanny stood there in the room a little while, unable to think of any quick solution.   


  
"You did WHAT?!" Zarkon and Lotor asked in unison angrily.   
  
"I put Princess Allura in suspended animation," Haggar said.   
  
"I thought you said you were going to put Lotor in appendage amputation!" Zarkon remarked.   
  
"Sus-pend-ed a-ni-ma-tion," Haggar said slowly.   
  
"Suspended? Lotor hasn't been suspended since middle school!" Zarkon protested.   
  
"Probably because you YANKED me out of middle school and put me in that army training thinggymaddoohoodiggit!!" Lotor growled.   
  
"Why'd you do that to the princess?! I thought the title of this story was..." Zarkon paused to pull his script out from under his chair, " 'The Sleeping PRINCE', not 'The Sleeping PrinCESS'!"   
  
"Yeah, I know, but the ancient spirits of evil wouldn't let me!! They said I'd be on my own if I tried to put Lotor to sleep," Haggar explained.   
  
"You were going to put me to sleep until Princess Allura woke me UP?! Haggar, are you BLIND with age as well?! You didn't even ASK me!!" Lotor scolded.   
  
"It was going to be a surprise! Arus would become paranoid and send Voltron out here alone! On their way through searching the castle, they'd eventually stumble into your room..." Haggar began, but was stopped by Zarkon's stare.   
  
"And just why would Princess Allura want to kiss him awake?!" Zarkon asked her imperiously.   
  
"Uuuh...well, she said before that he was cute..." Haggar said sheepishly.   
  
"Haggar, I had no idea you could be THIS irresponsible," Zarkon said, shaking his head.   
  
"You didn't even ASK!" both of them scolded the witch in unison.   
  
"Sorry!" Haggar cheeped.   
  
"What now?" Zarkon asked.   
  
"That's what I came here to tell you! I put the spell on Princess Allura, so now she'll sleep forever--"   
  
"WHAT?!" Lotor exclaimed, "How's she spozta be my bride if she's ASLEEP?!"   
  
"You didn't let me finish," Haggar said calmly, "I said she'll sleep forever unless Lotor wakes her up."   
  
"Ooooh! I GET it!" Zarkon said, nodding his head.   
  
"Me?! You made the spell so only ME could wake her up?! WOOHOO!!! Haggar, you're a GENIUS!! If you weren't 3000 billion years old, ugly and bald, I might've considered kissing you!" Lotor said, jumping up and down.   
  
"Aw, jeez. That makes me fell just PEACHY."   
  
"Go, Haggar! This is like a hostage situation! Only we don't have to put up with the hostage whining and flailing and kicking!! Brilliant! We can have anything we want from Arus now! Hahahaha!!" Zarkon said, getting out of his seat(the rare occasion it was) and descending the stairs, "Lotor, you go plunder Arus! I'm taking Haggar to the Outback Steakhouse!"   
  
Haggar felt she might faint, "The Outback Steakhouse?! I did THAT good of a job?! Oh, boy!!" she yammered giddily.   
  
"The Outback Steakhouse?! No FAIR!! How come I can't go?!" Lotor pouted bratilly, stomping his foot.   
  
"Because YOU aren't the one who came up with the idea!" Zarkon said, "You've been doing nothing but FAILING for the past year! Haggar gets the reward because SHE came up with a working plan!"   
  
"Hmph."   
  
"Get DRESSED, boy!!" Zarkon shouted.   
  
"Yes, DADDY! Whatever you SAY, Daddy! Go out on your little DATE, Daddy!" Lotor snapped sarcastically.   
  
"Hey, you...cut it out," Haggar told him and Zarkon and her went off to the Outback Steakhouse.   
  
Lotor sat in his father's chair and imitated his father's gruff voice, "Lotor, do this! Lotor do that! BAD boy! You failed at this, you failed at that! Even though it's not entirely your fault, I'm gunna punish you anyway!"   
  
"I HEARD that!!" Zarkon threatened from wherever he was. 

  
Meanwhile, on Arus, the Voltron Force and Nanny were trying to come up with plans to save the princess from her fate.   
  
"Okay, how 'bout we capture him and tie him to a 30 ton chair?" asked Lance.   
  
"How'd he be able to reach the princess?" Keith asked.   
  
"Uuuh...we could sit her up," Lance suggested.   
  
Hunk tried to move the princess from her position, but it didn't work, "Scratch that idea."   
  
"Hmm...how...about...weeeeeee...uuuuh...hmmm, you've scratched me dry of ideas!" Lance remarked.   
  
Pidge paced around with his(her, its) finger in his(her, its) mouth and he(she, it) made an odd sound, then said, "You've stumped me, too!"   
  
"Hunk, any ideas?" asked Keith.   
  
Hunk was back to his Fritos battle with Nanny and said, "Nope...sorry, Keith. I'm not the brains of this group."   
  
"I'll say," Lance said at very low volume.   
  
Nanny lost and straightened herself out, "Vaht about you, Keith?"   
  
Keith spaced out for a little bit(Doomanite LSD had lasting effects) and had to be shaken back to reality, "Uh...nope...not at the moment."   
  
Suddenly the walls shook and the evil spirits' portal opened up again, ~Any luck yet?~   
  
"Nope," Lance said simply.   
  
~We'll give you a few pointers...number one rule: Lotor and Allura have to be ALONE for the spell to be broken,~ the spirits told the Voltron Force.   
  
"Sheez...Doomanite rules conquering(comparison: Australian rules football) sure is shifty," Lance commented.   
  
"You mean Lotor and the princess must be by themselves?! That's CRAZY!! I think her people would rather her asleep!" Pidge protested.   
  
"Well, I for one would rather her awake!" Keith said valiantly.   
  
~That's the attitude we'd like to see!~   
  
"We'll be right outside that door! When the spell is broken, we blast it open and BOOM! goes Lotor!" Hunk explained.   
  
"I still don't like it!" Pidge whined, "He'd get to KISS her! Lotor, the bad guy! Prince of--"   
  
"Deed you say PREENCE?! Lotor's a PREENCE?!" Nanny asked, astonished.   
  
"I just TOLD you three hours ago!" Pidge growled irritably.   
  
"Eef he's a preence, zen he MUST be a leetle bit mannerly," Nanny stated.   
  
"I don't think you know Lotor like we do, Nanny. See...he's an EVIL prince. EVIL. Can you say EVIL, Nanny?" Lance asked in his Mr. Rodgers' voice.   
  
Nanny gave him a LOOK and he slunked back into his slightly hunched position with his hands in his jacket. Nanny spoke once again, "Eef he's not mannerly, zen how can he call himself a prince?!"   
  
"He wears a skirt. That's how," Keith said.   
  
"How short?" Nanny asked.   
  
Keith pointed a little above mid thigh, "This high I think," he said.   
  
"OOO!"   
  
"He wears PANTS, too, Nanny!" Lance said, shaking his head disgustedly. "Oh...sorry," Nanny apologized.   
  
"If he wears a skirt, he can call himself a prince. It's a medieval thing. Princes are allowed to wear skirts. It's a sign of dignity," Hunk said.   
  
"We don't know what KIND of dignity it is, though!" snickered Pidge. Meanwhile, on Doom, a fully dressed Prince Lotor was running up and down the corridors of his castle, saying "Zooom!" like Freakazoid, singing joyously, "WOOHOO!! I finally get the prin-cess! I finally get the prin-cess! Nanny nanny moo moo! She's gunna be all mi-ine! And Vol-tron can't stop me!"   
  
Passing guards and soldiers and slaves stood and stopped in their tracks to give him quizzical looks and they'd say, "He's gone funny!"   
  
"I HEARD that!!" he'd reply and sprint jovially down the escalator. 

  
Today was going to be the most perfect day for Lotor. He'd finally get Princess Allura for his own and Arus would be conquered at last. Absolutely NOTHING could go wrong. If it did, then Lotor would have the thing that went wrong tortured into being right. He decided to zooom back down to his room to take one last (39th) look in the mirror before he left.   
  
"Okie dokie! One quick look and it's off to AAAAAAAAAh!!" Lotor gasped as he gazed, horrified, into the mirror. It was the worst thing that could've happened to him on this particular day. It was worse than worst! It was the worstestest: a bad face day!   
  
"Why does this ALWAYS happen to me on days I get to be close to the princess?!" Lotor growled, trying to push his nose back two inches into his face where it was supposed to be, but to no avail, "Go IN!! Be PERFECT like you normally are, stupid face!!" he spouted disgustedly.   
  
A slave happened to wander in randomly and she greeted him cheerily, "Hello, Your Highness! Glad you're feeling so uppity this--"   
  
Lotor didn't turn around, but he screamed at her, "GO WAY!!! LEAVE ME ALONE! I want NO ONE near me today!! Tell EVERYONE!"   
  
"Y-yes, sir...I-I will," stuttered the slightly shaken slave who sold shea sells on the she sore...sea shells on the shay sore...soe shays on the sher shee...ah, forget it.   
  
Lotor went back to examining his bent up face. He looked at his jaw line, which had used to be perfectly rounded off at the corners but now was squared off like Zarkon's, "WHY did this have to happen TODAY?!" he whined, trying to bump his head on the mirror as he tilted it down, but his nose prohibited him from doing so.   
  
Lotor stepped out of his bathroom and flung himself on the bed, "How did this happen without me noticing?! The last time I checked in the mirror was five minutes ago! I looked GREAT then! I'm going to have to have Haggar check into this," he said, getting up and walking both miles to Haggar's Lab. 


	5. Bad Face Day.

"Haggar!!! HA-ggar!! Where are you, old witch?! Where are you when I NEED you?! HAGGAAAAR!!" he shouted through the paper towel he had used to conceal his disfigured face.   
  
The only reply he was was from Kitty, who jumped on his head.   
  
"Agh!! Kitty, get off my head!! Where's Haggar?!" Lotor growled, trying to pry the cat off his head, but it didn't work. She was already curled up comfortably on the prince's head.   
  
Kitty's tail flipped in front of Lotor's eyes, making it impossible to see as he walked forward, looking for the witch. He tripped and fell on an old TV antenna and scratched the right side of his already disfigured face, "How did I EVER get this much good luck?!" Lotor growled sarcastically as Kitty jumped off his head.   
  
She nonchalantly pawed over to Haggar's empty chair by her crystal ball and curled up on the fuzzy cushion. That gave Lotor an idea, "Hey, maybe I can see where she is with the crystal ball!"   
  
"Well, DUH!" would've been Kitty's remark if she could talk, but seeing as she presently could not, she just gave him a stare that said, "You're dumber than a bag of hammers, boy."   
  
Lotor walked cautiously over to Haggar's crystal ball and looked at its shiny surface, trying to figure out how it worked. He'd never been really interested in Haggar's voodoo prior to this event, but now he wished that he'd listened to some of her babblings a little more than he had in the past. He took a stab at activating the crystal ball, "Sim sim, sallabim!"   
  
Nothing happened.   
  
"Uuh...Crystal Ball of Haggar, Gimme Sight Beyond Sight!"   
  
Nothing happened.   
  
Lotor's patience was beginning to dwindle, "Haggar, where the heck ARE you?!" she'd told him how to work her crystal ball about the time they had captured Princess Romelle, but he didn't want to listen to her.   
  
"But it's so simple, Your Majesty!" she had tried, but Lotor had waved her away, "All you have to do is say--" but a guard had put a hand over her mouth.   
  
Lotor pinched his recently elongated nose with his fingers and tried one last time to work the thing, "Show me Haggar, you stupid overgrown MARBLE!!"   
  
The crystal ball shimmered a little and beams of light came out of it. Lotor panicked and fell back into Haggar's chair, accidentally squshing Kitty in the process. She retaliated by digging her claws into his posterior.   
  
Lotor crossed his eyes in pain and mumbled over the howling spirits encircling the crystal ball, "This is NOT my day."   
  
All the occult figures and evil spirits were sucked into the crystal ball and Lotor gazed into it(everybody has to GAZE into crystal balls, that's what they're made for). He saw a portrait of Croccodile Dundee held to the wall with knives. The view panned to the door, where Zarkon and Haggar entered.   
  
"Oh, YEAH! NOW I remember!! They went to the Outback Steakhouse, leaving me here to take over Arus!" Lotor figured out. He had forgotten about it when he had realized that the princess was as good as his and began jumping around the room. Lotor leaned forward in his seat so Kitty could scramble out and watched intently as the king and the witch took their seats and looked at the menus. Lotor wondered if something would happen if he tried to contact Haggar through the ball,   
  
"HAGGAR!!" he screamed.   
  
"AAh!" she almost jumped out of her seat as the sound of Lotor's voice bounced off the insides of her brain, "Uuh...sire, please excuse me, I have to go to the ladies' room."   
  
"Don't be too long, Haggar," Zarkon said.   
  
Haggar got up and went into the ladies room and faced a corner, "What the heck are you on my crystal ball for, Lotor?! It's mine!"   
  
"I need your help!" Lotor beseeched.   
  
"What the heck for?! Why aren't you storming Arus?!" Haggar growled.   
  
"I wanted everything to be perfect! Then something happened to me!! Something terrible, horrible, awful!" Lotor explained.   
  
"What happened, ya little squirt?!"   
  
"I got a bad face day! It just HAPPENED! Out of the blue! In less than five minutes!! It tried to SWAT me! Like a bug!" Lotor told her hysterically.   
  
"Lotor, I think you should stop watching the Cartoon Network. It's getting to your head," Haggar replied.   
  
"No! It's urgent! I need you to find a way to make my face better! You should see me!! I look like my father!! I'm HIDEOUS!!" Lotor whined.   
  
"What's wrong with looking like Zarkon?" Haggar asked.   
  
"I don't want to wake up Princess Allura looking like THIS!" Lotor bellowed.   
  
"It's healed itself before, hasn't it?" asked Haggar impatiently.   
  
"It usually takes three DAYS to heal itself!" Lotor complained.   
  
"All right, all right! Go down to the seashore and drink a cup of the water, then SWALLOW it. That makes the healing process six times as fast," Haggar instructed.   
  
"Right! I'll do that! Thanks bunches!" Lotor said, abandoning the crystal ball and heading for the sea shore ten miles from Castle Doom. 

Meanwhile, on Arus again, the Voltron Force, with Nanny and without the princess, was using their collective IQ of 70 (with the princess, it'd be 76) to come up with an idea to stop Lotor from getting the last laugh.   
  
"How about we hypnotize him?" suggested Hunk.   
  
"He'd hypnotize US first!" Lance said with his hands in his pockets.   
  
"Maybe we could drug him!" Keith said grudgingly.   
  
"What with?" asked Pidge, "We burned all those poison flowers he sent us!"   
  
The space mice giggled, imagining Lotor twirling around, lalalalalalaing his heart out.   
  
"I'm not so sure of that, Pidge!" Lance said shrewdly, pulling a sack of seeds from his jacket, "You know how I HATE to see a species of flower die out!"   
  
"Hoo, boy!" Keith said anxiously, Payback time!!, he thought.   
  
"So VE get Lotor high on flowers! You boys are geniuses!" Nanny praised, squeezing Lance.   
  
He struggled for air and managed a weak, "Nanny! Me! Human! Must! Breathe! Let go!"   
  
Nanny released him and Lance continued to live, "Sorry about zat," she apologized.   
  
"Oo! This is gunna be GOOD!" Pidge expressed, trying to contain himself.   
  
He could no longer and burst out laughing, as did everybody else in the room (except Allura). They all just stood there laughing inanely for a full half hour until they choked.   
  
"NOW all we have to do is wait for him to come!" Keith said almost evilly, looking at the sky.   
  
"I'll go tell Koran the good and bad news," Pidge said.   
  
"Better only tell him the good news, he might have a heart attack any time soon!" Lance warned when Koran himself stepped in unannounced.   
  
He looked at the sleeping princess and at the Voltron Force and Nanny, "What's going on here?" he asked.   
  
Hunk told him what had happened and Koran fell to the floor, having an epileptic seizure. 

Lotor's face was back to normal, but he couldn't go to Arus. Mogor had all the guards bar all the ships at 10:00pm, they even bolted the hangar where his private ship, that dumb pterodactyl-lookin' thing, was.   
  
He got dressed for bed again and looked at the scar the TV antenna in Haggar's lab had given him six hours ago. It didn't disfigure any of his restored handsome features at all. It was almost right against the angle of his cheekbone and made him look a bit more dangerous(most scars usually do that anyway, no matter WHERE they are).   
  
Lotor was about to flop back into bed when he realized he hadn't eaten anything in two days. Seeing as everyone in the castle was asleep at this time, it would be excruciatingly difficult to get some without going to the kitchens himself, so that's what he did. Lotor half-slid in his fuzzy slippers down to the kitchens and took a peek in the refrigerator. It had been ages since he had raided THIS domain. He hadn't done it since he was 14 or 15. He forgot what refrigerated food tasted like, as well. As a teenager, he had lived on Cheetos and TV dinners, but since then, everything he ate had been served to him, so he was a little unused to the idea of canned spaghetti now.   
  
Lotor abandoned the can he had been trying to open with a steak knife and decided to make himself a sandwich. This had also not been done for an eternity. The cooks of Doom refused to be outdone by supermarkets, so there were none on Doom which allowed the slicing of meats or meat-like products, and therefore everything to be sliced was sliced by the cook, on the spot. Lotor got the privilege of getting earth satellite cable and had watched a few cooking shows when there was nothing to do on a Sunday afternoon and thought it was as easy as it looked. Lotor pulled out a big plate of Doomanite turkey that had already been cooked. It was green, but that was okay because Doomanite turkey was ALWAYS green. The prince selected one of the more viscous-looking knives, twirled it around like it was a sword and brought it down right on Kitty's tail, "Oops...those grow back, don't they?" he asked.   
  
She reowed and hissed in pain and jumped on Lotor's head again, "You STUPID, STUPID cat! If you insist on following me around, you have an appetite for getting HURT!" he bellowed, wrenching Kitty off his head and tossing her to the far wall. She got up, shook her little kitty head and walked nonchalantly out of the kitchen.   
  
"Haggar's gotta get that thing fixed," he mumbled, looking at the bloody mess he'd accidentally made on the counter. Cats' tails held more blood than Lotor had thought; it was everywhere, even on the turkey. He washed the bird off in the sink and put it back in the fridge and wiped off the counter tops and the floor with a sponge. "I think I'll go for something simple," he said to himself and looked in the freezer for TV dinners. He found none, so his search extended to the cabinets for a pop tart. After a half an hour of searching, he finally found one, but it was all bent up. Still, it was a pop tart, and a pop tart was a pop tart no matter what its form.   
  
He flattened it out as much as he could without breaking it and with some effort, jammed the Doomanite chocolate pop tart with raspberry sprinkles into the toaster. During the eternity it took for the tart to pop, Lotor took a look at the tips of his hair. No split ends, no freakishly long or short ones, all perfect. Perfect, perfect, perfect. If I'm so perfect, why doesn't Allura like me? he thought.   
  
The toaster then made that sound toasters usually make when they're done cooking the thing they were cooking, but Lotor saw no tart pop. He looked into the smoking appliance and saw that the now accordion-folded pop tart was melting into the bottom of the toaster.   
  
Now, Prince Lotor wasn't the smartest 22 year-old in the galaxy, but at least this could be said: his perseverance, whether it be in stalking princesses or wrenching a pop tart out of a plugged-in toaster with a metal fork, was commendable.   
  
However, his perseverance would definitely NOT be commended by the cook when he saw the burnt, half-melted remains of what used to be a pretty damned good toaster.   
  
"Hmmm..." Lotor reflected as he pulled out the frayed remains of the power cord, "Maybe it would've been better to have eaten it raw." 

At the Outback, Haggar and Zarkon were polishing off their cheese fries, waiting for their main courses to arrive. Haggar had noticed that when she got back from the bathroom, all the seafood entrees had been mysteriously scratched off with a Sharpie.   
  
Topic of conversation had been truly riveting: Zarkon had babbled on for what seemed like hours about the lifestyles of the Vegetan antarctic sea slug until he finally changed the subject to his defenses against being assassinated(he proposed that all his subjects shave their heads, stick fish in their ears and grow a ridge of fungus down their faces. To this, Haggar had given a blank stare that could've shaken a hungry Siberian Tiger). Then, to insure himself that Haggar wouldn't lunge at him across the table with her knife, he asked her how she'd think Lotor'd look like with a Cary Elwes haircut. Receiving another blank stare, he told her the story of how Yurak got his robot eye in.   
  
"Yurak had the misfortune of having two of his girlfriends meet each other in his presence. One of them had a pen on her."   
  
Blank stare from Haggar.   
  
"Uhhhh...were you there when I put my crown on Lotor when he was six?" he tried desperately.   
  
"Yes," croaked the old witch, who was on the verge of stuffing a dinner roll in Zarkon's mouth to shut him up.   
  
Suddenly, the door opened as Zarkon was reminiscing about the many times he had 'accidentally' dropped Lotor on his head when he was a small child. The person who then entered wore a black holocaust cloak and was not seen by Zarkon, whose back was to the door. There was a hat on the wall held in place by a three foot steak knife with a serrated edge. The cloaked person pulled it out and hid it(as much as was possible) in the cloak's sleeve.   
  
Zarkon droned on endlessly until Haggar screamed, "YOUR HIGHNESS!! WATCH OUT!!!"   
  
The man in the cloak raised the knife high and proclaimed in a bad Norwegian accent: "I AM ZE ANGEL OFF DEATH!! I am loffed by all goot people unt feered by eevil! Zay yuer last vyurds, Zarkon!!"   



	6. Sven Brought the Steak Knife Down Upon Z...

Sven brought the steak knife down upon Zarkon's head, but the old geezer dodged and the knife got stuck in the table. He pulled it out just in time for Zarkon to pull out his own two-foot steak knife.   
  
Now, I COULD tell you that it was a mighty battle betwixt the evil fish king and the nearly rabid Norseman, but that'd be lying, and lying is uebel!(awful)  
  
Sven klonked Zarkon on the head with the butt of his steak knife and knocked him out, but before he could plunge the yard of steak knife into the dark periwinkle fishie-person, he was seized by the forty 'robot' guards that just happened to be so conveniently dining at the same restaurant as their monarch. Through the bad animation that makes Voltron Voltron, Sven escaped and flew away in his ship.   
  
When Zarkon came around a little later, he was faced with THE most appetizing scenery   
he had seen in his life: Haggar's nose.   
  
"AAAAAh! Get it OFFA me!!" he panicked, throwing the witch into the wall, then he looked up, "OH! It's you, Haggar!"   
  
"NO!! It's the bloody-lip fairy!!" Haggar grumbled, "You okay, Majesty?"   
  
"I think so...the last thing I remember was the butt of a steak knife hitting my head..."   
  
"Sven got away without a scratch, sire, sorry about that," Haggar apologized.   
  
"Never mind that, you nutty bedlam! The important thing is that I'm alive thanks to you!" Zarkon praised.   
  
Haggar hesitated, "...Yes, sire! It was ALL me! I bashed him on the head with my stick and he ran away!"   
  
"I thought you said that he got away without a scratch," Zarkon said skeptically.   
  
"...A lump is an entirely different thing than a scratch!" she covered up, "Are you okay, Your Excellency?"   
  
"Please," Zarkon said amiably, "Call me Zarkon." 

Lotor was half-crazed with starvation. He eventually found a packet of sugar near the slaves' quarters and slid around Castle Doom in his fuzzy slippers in search of food for awhile. Floor-skating was never really quite heralded as a sport on any planet, but Lotor would see to it personally to have that changed as soon as possible. In his slidings, he managed to bump smak dab into a vending machine and he got himself a Dr. Pepper. This new source of caffeine sent him gliding across the newly waxed floors of Castle Doom until Haggar and Zarkon came home.   


Koran had recovered from his seizure and everyone except Lance was in the princess's room playing charades.   
  
When Lance came back into Allura's room, he had the 'evil' flowers in a Tupperware bowl with some water, "Soup's on!"   
  
Hunk rushed forward expectantly, nearly drooling at the mention of food, but was disappointed when the 'soup' turned out to be just the flowers, "That is cruel and unusual punishment!"   
  
Nanny, the most BRILLIANT woman in the world, stood up and snapped her fingers, "I know! Ve can haff a leetle fun vith zis zituation!"   
  
Everyone in the room turned their head towards Nanny, even Allura.   
  
"I know ze preencess from ze inside out! She'd vant to haff this as much like a fairy tale as possible! Let's ztick her in ze tallest tower!" Nanny proposed, pointing a finger skyward.   
  
"You mean the attic?" asked Lance.   
  
Nanny gave him the evil eye, "No, hyoo neencompoop! I mean ze highest well-furnished room in ze castle!"   
  
"Nanny, we can't do that! Remember Hunk tried to lift her off the bed and he couldn't! She's stuck!" Pidge protested.   
  
~May WE be of assistance again?~ asked the spirits of evil, swirling in from their cloud of muck.   
  
"Zertanly! You heard vat I said, didn't you?" Nanny asked, putting her hands together.   
  
~Can do,~ replied the spirits and PING they were in the attic.   
  
"Doo! You eembisills! I told you ze attic eez not ze place for ze preencess!! Eet's too musty unt smelly!" Nanny complained.   
  
PING went the spirits again and the attic was transformed into a smaller version of the princess's room.   
  
"Zat's better!" Nanny said.   
  
"I bet Lotor's gunna have a helluva time getting up here!" Keith said.   
  
"AAAAw! Keith said a bad woooooord!!" Pidge tattled, pointing.   
  
"I'm going to have to have a WORD with you, young man!" Nanny and Koran threatened in unison, only the way Nanny said it, it was less comprehensible. Keith was dragged downstairs to have his mouth washed out by the combined forces of Nanny and Koran, which left Lance, Hunk and Pidge all alone in the newly pinkified attic.   
  
"What do you think would happen if Lotor got ahold of the princess?" asked Lance after a fifteen minute silence broken only by the unceasing crying of the space mice and Keith's distant screams of pain.   
  
"You ever seen 'Return of the Jedi'?" asked Hunk.   
  
"Ugh...I'm just glad Lotor looks nothing like that giant slug!" Pidge said, recoiling and twitching.   
  
"Too bad about Zarkon, tho! Hahaha!" Lance heckled.   
  
All three stooges laughed inanely for a few minutes until Pidge said, "I'm glad Lotor's not ugly. At least her eyes won't hurt from looking at him."   
  
"I'll say! He's got half the galaxy's population of females all drooling over him! I wish I had that kind of pull with women!" Lance said, looking up out at the stars.   
  
"I just wish we'd get this thing overwith! The only prince I'd like to see the princess with is...not Lotor!" Pidge growled.   
  
"Hey, y'know...there's not much difference between Keith and Lotor, come to think of it..." said Hunk thoughtfully.   
  
"WHAT?!" Pidge barked as much as was Pidgeably possible.   
  
Lance nodded his head and said, "Yeah...but they act just the opposite of each other! They both have what is considered 70's style long hair, they both wear stupid outfits, and they're both overtly open for their cause and they both like the princess!"   
  
"Only Lotor's totally the opposite colors Keith is, Lotor has a widow's peak and wears a skirt and Keith denies everything anybody ever said about him and the princess," Hunk agreed.   
  
Pidge was on the verge of exploding, "YOU FORGOT ONE VERY VERY VERY IMPORTANT THING!!"   
  
"Oh, yeah. Lotor's an evil prince and Keith's a good hearted doormat," Lance acknowledged.   
  
"I HEARD that!!" bellowed Keith from within the castle.   


Haggar and Zarkon came home with 2 doggie bags from the Outback Steakhouse...well, one wouldn't call Outback Steakhouse doggie bags doggie bags. They're more like very large African Elephantie bags...ANYway, Mogor got the punishment for barring Lotor from Arus and was sent to the torture chambers for a couple days. Haggar told Lotor about the big 'Sven of Death' incident, but the starved young prince wasn't listening to a word she said, which was usual.   
  
Finally, Zarkon pointed his little hand staff at Lotor and said, "Get to bed, you squirrely kid! Rest up for your first triumph in about a year!"   
  
Lotor smiled and bowed, "Yes, Father! It's going to be a glorious day!"   
  
The next day on planet Doom was simply gorgeous (to the eye of a Doomanite). Every time lighting struck, it lit up the sky with an unmatched iridescent luster that even brought Zarkon to his knees. Why he was on his knees, no one could figure out, so Zarkon just slunked back into his chair, slightly humiliated.   
  
Lotor washed up, took a shower and was about to get dressed when a thought ran rampid through his mind...   
  
"You should dress like this more often!" Princess Allura had told him...now what was it?...Two days before.   
  
"Hmmm," the prince thought aloud, "that's actually not such a bad idea if I do say so myself...and I do say so myself...or was that a reflection? Hmm...don't matter."   
  
Lotor finished mumbling to himself and got dressed...for bed. He donned his fuzzy slippers and the cool hat with the axe blades on it and strutted out to his command ship.   
  
Mogor was already standing by his chair when he got there and asked, "Ahh...Your Highness...did you forget to do something today?"   
  
"It's the lady's idea, Mogor," he said, stood up and proclaimed, "Okay, everybody, I'm sorry if I offend anyone by being dressed like this, but it is out of love, which you wouldn't know what it's like 'cuz yer kinda all robots...'n stuff," he was getting many quizzical looks so he just sat down and said sheepishly, "ok...I'm...just...gunna sit down and...be quiet now. You guys can make da ship go fly in the air now, I'll just sit here and...be the prince."   
  
More quizzical looks.   
  
"BLAST OFF, YOU NINCOMPOOPS!!" he finally shouted.   


  
  
"I'm vorried! Vaht eef this dohsn't vurk?" Nanny worried.   
  
"Lotor's gunna take her away and marry her, whether she likes it of not!" Pidge wailed.   
  
"Marry her? Oh, Heavens help us! I von't even get to peek out ze color of her dress!" Nanny sniveled.   
  
"Uh...the traditional wedding dress is white, Nanny...unless...y'know... um...unless Lotor...uh..." Lance stammered.   
  
"Unless Lotor vaht? Vaht vould he do to her? I don't get eet," Nanny said.   
  
"...Uhhh...unless he...he...he..."   
  
"Come on! By ze time you get eet out of your mouth, Lotor would haff probably done vaht your tryink to tell me already!" Nanny scolded.   
  
"I'M TRYING TO KEEP THIS AS TV Y7 AS POSSIBLE NANNY!!" Lance exploded.   
  
Nanny recoiled and fainted, but unluckily Koran stopped her from falling and the Russian annoyance therefore suffered no concussions.   
  
Dernit!! Almost got 'er!! Lance thought.   
  
"How do we know when Lotor's here?" asked Pidge and just as he finished talking, there was the sound of a Doomanite spacecruiser from above.   
  
"I wonder who that could be?" asked Koran with all sincerity.   
  
"ATTENTION PLANET ARUS!!!!! IT'S ME AGAIN!! I'M BAAAAACK!! YOUR PRINCESS IS FOREVER ASLEEP UNLESS I WAKE HER UP! VOLTRON IS KAPUTSKI WITHOUT THE PRINCESS UNLESS SVEN JUMPS OUT OF THE SKY! I WILL AWAKEN HER UNDER ONE CONDITION!" came the booming voice of the half-dressed Prince Lotor.   
  
A nameless Arusian vassal stood up and shouted, "What condition?!"   
  
Through three feet of solid metal that was the cruiser, Lotor heard this vassal's cry and laughed his evil laugh, "UNCONDITIONAL SENDER!!"   
  
The people of Arus went, "Huh?"   
  
"OH...SORRY! DAMN TYPE-Os! AHEM...UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...(hack, cough)...HAHAHA!!"   
  
Pidge looked blankly out the window and shook his head.   
  
Koran clapped his hands together and announced, "Okay, does everyone know what to do?"   
  
"Yes," said the remainder of the Voltron Force.   
  
"Okey dokey!" he replied.   
  
Nanny spazzed out, "Ohkey Dohkey?! Vaht kind off language eez zat?! You'fe been spendink too mach time vith ze boys!!"   
  
Koran made the most awkward face as the overweight Ruski housemaid dragged him downstairs. Lotor was looking at himself in the full length mirror that had just miraculously materialized on the bridge. He took off his helmet, smoothed his hair, put it back on, stood up, turned around and said, "Mogor, does my butt stick out?"   
  
Mogor recoiled and remarked, "You're getting into a REAL weird area here, Highness!!" 

  
Zarkon popped up on the screen and screamed, "AAAk!"   
  
Lotor, who was looking in the mirror with his hands on his posterior screamed too, "AAAk!"   
  
"What is the meaning of THIS?!"   
  
"Father! I didn't know you'd...!"   
  
"Of COURSE I'D...!! I thought I TOLD you to get dressed!!!" Zarkon bellowed.   
  
"But...!"   
  
"That's what you've got your hands on! Do you want me to be the laughing stock of the universe?! And the fuzzy slippers just...grrr!" Zarkon growled, shaking his head and banging it on the arm of his throne.   
  
Lotor put his hands in front of him and gave his dad the best sad puppy face he could muster, "I'm sowwy, Daddy...(sniff)"   
  
Zarkon growled incoherently and brought his hand down on his scepter...but his scepter, being pointy, perforated his hand a little, causing pain, so instead of yelling at Lotor summore, he yelled until Haggar came.   
  
Lotor took this opportunity to flee the bridge for his personal ship, that stupid bat-looking thing, and blasted off for the Castle of Lions. "He's on his way!" Keith announced, who had a talent for stating the obvious.   
  
"I've got butterflies!" Pidge said beneath his(her/its) gas mask as he(she/it) held the lalala inducing flower.   
Nobody could think of anything to say, so they just stayed quiet until Lotor's ship reached the entrance of the castle...which took a long time since Lotor took the time to throw on a t-shirt and jeans(forbidden items on Doom). The t-shirt was black with white letters across the chest that read: "It's good to be the prince." His jeans were just jeans, faded blue and slightly fraying at the bottom. He ditched his fuzzy slippers for some socks and Doc Martins he just so conveniently happened to have in the ship.   
  
He leaped princely out of the ugly thing and proceeded into the Castle of Lions, which was shining in the midday sky.   
  
Lotor was escorted to the attic by Nanny and Koran, who scolded him for being dressed like he was. Nanny even took out a hairbrush and straightened out his hair in the elevator.   
  
Koran banged his head against the wall of the elevator and growled, "Shut UP, damn you! All of you shut UP!!"   
  
Halfway there, Lotor put his fingers on Nanny's stupid little nanny hat and rumbled(as much as Lotorly possible) in a demonic voice, ~I must find a more suitable host body!~   
  
The scene faded and when it came back in, the elevator doors opened and Nanny stepped out, brushing her hands. Lotor and Koran lay in a tangled mess on the floor.   
  
There were five or six more staircases to climb up when Lotor rushed past Nanny, who had taken the lead and said, "I think I'll be able to find my own way up from here, thank you very much."   
  
"Oh, noh you dohn't, you leetle yellow-eyed mohnster!" Nanny warned, pulling up the sleeve of her apron and making a fist.   
  
"Oh, yes I do, I'm afraid!" Lotor smirked, leaning over so his face was even with Nanny's.   
  
"You vant a piece off me?!" Nanny snarled.   
  
"Well, if I felt like getting mauled by the universe's first female sumo wrestler, I would, but it doesn't feel like a sumo wrestling day for me!" Lotor snickered, "You people seem to forget the one who is in control here!"   
  
Nanny drew her hand back, "Why off all ze ihnsolent...!"   
  
Lotor grinned and waggled his finger at her, "Ah, ah ah! In case you've forgotten, I am the only one who can wake up your precious princess!"   
  
Nanny looked blank, but said, "Vaht?"   
  
"Allow me to put it in terms you are able to comprehend..ahem...: You zee, zere vas a spell put on your preencess zat says zat I am ze only vohn who can vake her ahp...unt vizzout ze preencess, zere ees no Woltron! Unt vizzout Woltron, Arus ees kaputski!" Lotor said in as best a Russian accent he could muster.   
  
"Kaputski?" Nanny queried fearfully.   
  
"KAPUTSKI!!" Lotor reiterated, "Unt might I add, my fazzer 'as a vitch. Ze vitch makes shiny big huge rohbots zat can skvash you like a buhg! Eef I do not get my vay, I vill tell ze vitch to let ze rohbot out unt skvash everysink! Even fahzzy peenk buhnnies!"   
  
"(gasp) Noh! Noh! You leaf ze buhnnies out off zis!" Nanny protested.   
  
"Zoh, I zee you vahnt to safe your vurld like anybahdy else, so eef you walue your world...vurld, I sahgest you let me goh on ahead, zank you vellee mahch!" Lotor said.   
  
Nanny bowed her head in defeat and waved her arm, "Goh, zehn, you ahful ahful mahn!"   
  
"Zank you, dahlink!" Lotor couldn't help to add.   
  
"Dohn't poosh eet, preetyboy!" Nanny threatened and Lotor sauntered up the stairs Pidge was overanxious. He(she/it) clutched the deadly, poisonous pink flower in his(her/its) hand and waited for hours to come up the stairs...then he(she/it) heard a loud "KAPUTSKI!!" that obviously belonged to the prince come from a ways downstairs. Pidge barred the door as much as he(she/it) could with his(her/its) free hand and listened intensely as soft footsteps got louder and closer.   
  
...tap tap tap tap tap tap tap...flump...bonk...groan...tap tap tap tap tap tap...crack... "OW!!"...TAP tap TAP tap TAP tap TAP... "What the [kookoo] are all these [boing] stairs for?!" ...labored breathing...tap tap tap tap tap tap SQUISH! SQUEEK!... "Oops...poor meese...those grow back, don't they?"...tap tap tap tap tap tAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP...   
  
Pidge saw the axe blades of the famous hat of Prince Lotor emerge from beneath the staircase...then his head and his shoulders and his chest and his abdomen and his...you get the picture. Lotor stopped in front of the door and looked in on his sleeping obsession.   
  
He sighed dramatically and nearly sung in a Shakespearian voice, "Ah, Allura, my love! Tonight, you and I will be together at last! Cast off the shackles of yesterday and bring hither with not the chains of love that BIND my heart to you, my beloved Allura! Hark, through what light doth yonder windows break? Ill met by moonlight, a man must fulfill many roles in his life..." Lotor babbled on, mixing and misquoting and making up various poems and plays for over a half an hour.   
  
The distinctly male section of the Voltron Force were concealing themselves against the wall with the door...with the exception of Hunk who could only TRY to conceal himself. During Lotor's display of how LITTLE he knew about reciting poetry(i.e: 1:getting it all wrong and 2:not having the intended victim recipient awake for it), they sat down and played every board game they could find in the attic(sure, it was pinkified, but it was still an attic) until Lotor advanced through the door, gracefully stepping on Pidge. They scrambled comically back into their original positions and Hunk helped Pidge reattain his(her/its) proper shape, save for the Doc Martin logo now imprinted on the kid's head.   
  
Lotor continued, "...for the dark chicken must not sit on the mirror we had and a pox on both our houses if true apocetharies lips are quick, thus with drugs they die...and lo yonder is the beautiest whim of fate which hath cast its spell upon my heart, o HAPPY dagger! Quoth the Raven...beautiful lady, open thine eyes so that Artemis my revel in their glory(cue spotlight) for it hath better not be the spectre of Death(sink into kneeling position, put hands together) who would fall on thy knees and hear the angel voice that IS Princess Allura, my love, with liberty and justice for ALL!!" 


	7. Insufferable recap.

Five minutes after everyone got back, Lotor rose from his spot on the floor and sat on Allura's bed. Pidge zoomed over to a spot within nose-range of the prince and waited. 

Lotor stroked Allura's hair and looked like he was about to go into another long poetry schpeel, but he instead whispered, "I love you," and put his right index finger on the tip of the princess's nose. He stroked her face and drew closer... 

"SMELL MY FLOWER!!" Pidge yelled in Lotor's pointy left ear, almost sticking the flower up his nose. 

Lotor took a moment to figure out what had just been thrust into his face. He stood up, looked at he flower, took a sniff and looked at the flower again, then he realized something. 

"Oh, [bad word]..." Lotor dropped to the floor, "do you realize what you've DONE?" 

"Yeah! We've stopped you from taking the princess!" Pidge announced triumphantly, putting his(her/its) hands on his(her/its) hips and looking back at the distinctly male part of the Voltron Force, who were glaring at him(her/it). 

"No, you've totally MESSED up the entire thing!" Keith almost yelled, but his gentle nature(puke)didn't let him. 

Lotor was groaning on the floor and Lance growled, "You were supposed to put the flower in his face AFTER the princess was awake!" 

"Um...oops?" Pidge squeaked. 

The Voltron Force growled at Pidge and Pidge hung his(her/its) head in shame, then Keith said, "Okay, people, we need to take care of more important matters than boiling Pidge in oil now." 

"Aaw!" Lance groaned. 

Keith knelt down by Lotor, who had crawled into a secluded corner of the attic and was shivering and mumbling, "We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine..." 

"What are these flowers to your people, Lotor?" Keith asked. 

Lotor grimaced and twitched, "Rubber duckies!" 

"He's hallucinating!" Hunk pointed out the obvious. 

"I'm Mr. Bucket!" 

"That won't help you at all, Lotor!" Keith said, shaking the drule. 

"But I AM!" Lotor protested. 

"The princess doesn't LIKE Mr. Bucket!" Lance told him. 

Lotor blinked like a four-year-old and started to shake, "Gunna...die!! Help! Please! Headache...coming after me! Shiny...wings of...Death...coming to take me away...haha...hoho heehee...to the funny farm! Where life is beautiful all the time..." 

"For a minute there, I thought that was cryptic," Lance remarked. 

Keith shook Lotor a little more, "How do we repair--ur--cure you?" 

Lotor twitched spasmotically for the next five minutes, then grabbed Keith by the collar urgently, 

"Doctor...!" 

"You need a doctor?" Keith asked. 

Lotor shook his head violently and shook Keith by the shoulders with both hands, "D-doctor...! Doct-doctor...peh-pep...Doc--!" 

"Huh?" Keith responded. 

Having no luck with Keith's empty head, Lotor lunged at Pidge, "D-d-oct...doctor...p...pep..." 

"Eew!! Get 'im off me!!" Pidge wailed. 

Lotor crawled into the fetal position and sobbed, "Per...! Doc-doct-tor...Pepper!!" 

"Doctor Pepper?" Lance queried. 

Lotor nodded his head vehemently. 

"What's Doctor...Pepper?" Keith asked. 

"It's a soda!" Hunk exclaimed. 

"You would know, Hunk!" Lance chuckled. 

Lotor scrambled back onto his feet and reached into his pocket, pulling out three quarters. He held them out to Hunk urgently. 

Hunk thought for awhile (rare occasion that it was) and took off for the vending machine, even though he didn't really want to save his enemy's life, but what the hell? Lotor'd given him enough to visit the snack vending machine as well and wasn't about to pass up those homogenized dehydrated cheese fries he'd been eyeing earlier in the hour. 

Hunk got the Dr. Pepper, Lotor gulped half of it down and stood up dramatically, pressing the communicator thinggy on his belt, "Mogor! Launch the Robeast!! You people threatening me? Huh? Ok...just for that...to save my neck...here it is! Keep in mind that this is the last bit of what I've written. There's no more after this...YET. 

"What?! After we just saved your life?!" Pidge cheeped. 

"Yup!" Lotor said plainly, taking a sip of Dr. Pepper and looking at the camera in an advertizing fashion. 

"What about the princess?!" Keith asked urgently. 

"Oh, THAT! I'm glad you reminded me!" Lotor chuckled, taking a step back and holding Allura's hand in his, "Beam me up, Haggar!" 

There were some dumb special effects and some twinkling sounds and then, Lotor and Princess Allura were gone. 

"D'oh!" Hunk was heard to say through his munching. 

There was a rumbling from outside and out popped the shiny Robeast from about around the beginning of the story. Pidge looked animely out the window and gurgled worriedly, "How're we gunna form Voltron without the princess?" 

Nanny and Koran stepped forward. 

Lance pushed them back, "Ah...I don't think this planet could STAND losing you two too...I guess Voltron's just going to have to hop...right, Keith?" 

Lance looked at him with desperate eyes and Keith started to protest when someone came a-crashing through the window, "SVEN!" 

"In der flesh!! Who'd you think I vas? Der Nanny?" Sven chuckled, brushing his hands off. Nanny's eyes were murderous. 

"No time for chitchat now! To the lions!" Keith commanded. 

Everybody but Sven followed, who had a confused look on his face, "How low zey've zunk," he shook his head and followed. 

Lotor finished the last of his Dr. Pepper in his wineglass and turned on the loudspeaker again, "I'VE GOT YOUR PRINCESS! NYEAH NYEAH NYEAH NYEAH NYEAH NYEAH!! I'M NOT GUNNA LET HER GO-O! NOW KISS MY PURPLE A-ASS! THE VOLTRON FORCE IS AS USEFUL AS A HORSE BEING DROWNED IN MOLTEN GLA-ASS!" 

One of the peasants spoke up, "What KIND of a horse?" 

"Shut up, silly person, or I will taunt you a second time-a!" Lotor warned in a French accent. 

"What KIND of glass?" asked the peasant further. 

"WHY DO YOU ASK?" 

"Cos Voltron looks pretty put together about now," the peasant said. 

"YOU LIE!!" Lotor bellowed. 

"Well, what's THAT, then?" asked the peasant, pointing to the fully assembled Voltron, who was dancing around with little Japanese paper fans with a pink and yellow stripey background. 

"Oh, nutbunnies..." Lotor gulped, dropping the P.A. microphone. 

"One more robeast DEAD!" Haggar spat. 

"One more plan you screwed up!" Zarkon bellowed. 

"One more day I'm on my own..." Eponine sang. 

"One more mental scar in my head!" Mogor whined. 

Lotor stuck his bottom lip out and made a sad-puppy face. 

"That's not going to work THIS time, squirt!" Zarkon growled, throwing another of his priceless goblets at his son. This was the third one that hour. 

"You sure screwed up royal this time!" Haggar accused, pointing her knobby left forefinger at the prince,"And you weren't even wearing your royal clothes! Look at that raggedy little piece of cloth he's got draped over his upper body! What IS that?!" 

" 'S called a T-shirt, Haggar..." Mogor whispered. 

"And those PANTS! Ugh! They do NOT match the boots!" Haggar wailed, flailing her arms animely. 

Haggar got a blank stare from the Prince and King of Doom and backed away slowly...slowly...slowly, turnedandRAN! 

Mogor snorted, "Pfft...women!" 

"Um...father?" Lotor chanced. 

"What is it, my little ANGEL of a son?" Zarkon said in his most whiney voice, throwing another goblet at him. 

"Uh...Princess Allura's kinda...still asleep?" Lotor stated. 

Blank stare from the King of Doom. 

Lotor started to sweat, "Aah...could I...y'know...kinna...um...go back to Arus? Y-y'know, t' wake her up?" 

Blank stare from the King of Doom. 

"PLEASE, DADDY!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEEEASE!!!" Lotor begged. 

Priceless-goblet-throw from the King of Doom. "Ok...the Doomanites are gone...but the princess is still asleep!" Keith, master of stating the obvious, stated. 

"Deed zshe take too much NyQuil jestyerday?" Sven queried. 

"No...she...she...got a spell put on her!" Pidge whined, hugging Hunk around the waist and banging his(her, its) fists on his stomach. 

"Oh...I zee...one of ZOZE theengs, eezeet?" Sven asked. 

"Yup," Hunk said with his usual intelligence. 

"Zo...'ow do we break der schpell?" Sven asked. 

Pidge looked at the ground, "Lotor has to wake her up..." 

"Bummer..." Sven replied, looking at the floor, "veren't zere any loop'oles?" 

"Loopholes?" Keith asked. 

"Vaht ver ze conditions of de schpell?" Sven asked. 

"I don't remember," said Hunk. 

"That's not surprising!" Lance remarked. 

Sven sighed, "I gyess it's ahp to me to check de scryipt zen." The Norwegian pilot reached under the chair he was sitting on and pulled out his script, flipping through it, "Hmm...lyet's zee...Lotor griping about not beink able to 'ave ze Preencess...Doomanite guards all vatching talkshows...'You DO lyook green', Zarkon said...Koran znatched the bag off of Nanny's face ant RAN...'You gobbled up my zock yeztyerday!'...4/5ths of ze Voltron force in chains...Hunk vaz deezkovering 'ow gut Doomanite cockroaches could taste..EEW!!" 

Everyone looked at Hunk discustedly and Sven went back to his page-flipping. 

"'Nobody eevil vears pink!' Allura proclyiamed...'Lotor, do zis, Lotor, do zat'...'Crysel Ball off Haggar, Gyimmee Zight Beyont Zight'...Koran fell to ze flyoor, in an epylyeptic seizure...brought ze knife down right on Kyitty's tail,'Oops, zoze grow back, don't zey?'...'I AM ZE ANGEL OFF DEATH!!'...'UNCONDITIONAL SENDER!!'..zey should've really done a byetter job off veeding out ze typeos...~I myust vind a more zuitable 'ost body!~...'Noh! Noh! You leaf ze buhnnies out off zis!'..." 

"I think you went past it a long time ago, Sven," Lance said. 

"Yust reminiscing," Sven said defensively, flipping back through the scriptbook, "Ah...'ere! I vound eet!" 

"Whaz it say?!" Pidge asked anxiously. 

"Eet zez zat only Preence Lotor can break ze schpell," Sven said, frowning. 

Keith stood up as he felt a cold wind behind his back and turned around, "UnLESS...!" 

Another plothole swirled into exsistance. Keith, Lance, Pidge and Hunk landed in their lions, totally disoriented. Lotor landed in his command ship, also quite disoriented. Another robeast was dancing around in front of the castle. Things seemed to be back to normal. Keith radioed the blue lion, "Sven?" 

"No Sven here, Keith," Allura said with her usual way-too-optomistic tone of voice. 

"Princess! You're awake!" Pidge cheered. 

Allura giggled ditzyly, "Of course I am, Pidge! I've been awake all day!" 

Lance slapped his face and thought, The dimwit FORGOT!! 

Lotor used his P.A. microphone again, "UM...WHERE WAS I?" 

"You were in the middle of one of your threats!" Allura snapped. 

The robeast slashed at the space the black lion had been five minutes ago. 

"Is it just me, or is that robeast a little on the slow side?" Lance asked no one in particular. 

"Whatever,"Keith said, "anyway, the only good robeast is a dead--" 

"Keith! TV Y7!" Pidge snapped. 

"All right, team, let's form Voltron!" Keith shouted. 

Then came the interminable 'Form Voltron' sequence. 

"Form Blazing Sword!" 

Haggar held out a plate to King Zarkon after the battle, "Chopped robeast, sire?" 

Zarkon grumbled something incoherent and picked up a piece. Lotor was in his usual groveling position at the base of the king' throne. He looked fearfully up into his father's scowl. Zarkon bellowed, "You failed THAT fast?!" 

"Father, it's not my fault! It was a plotho--" 

"Don't you go blaming story elements, kid! I'm tired of you failing all the time! Go to your room! You're grounded for the rest of the day!" Zarkon bellowed, standing up. 

"But!!" 

"Nobody wants to hear about your butt! Now GIT!" 

Lotor slunked off to his room, 30 minutes away. 

Meanwhile, on PLanet Arus, Princess Allura waved princessly to the big crowd that had gathered around outside The Castle of Lions. Princess Allura lost her balance and fell, breaking her leg. Her leg eventualy healed in time for the next exciting episode of: 

VOLTRON: DEFENDER OF THE UNIVERSE

  



End file.
